The 32 Wittiest Comebacks Of All Time

[Mich the Tester]

All sport is therefore pointless in which case all life is pointless, and in particular yours so FOAD

If sport is useless, then all leisure is useless; music, literature, film, drama, board games, computer games, recreational sex, eating anything other than soylent green etc. Such 'useless' activities are what give a person a life worth living; without them you're simply a cog in a machine.

[Churchill]

If sport is useless, then all leisure is useless; music, literature, film, drama, board games, computer games, recreational sex, eating anything other than soylent green etc. Such 'useless' activities are what give a person a life worth living; without them you're simply a cog in a machine.

Yeah but Russell makes his own entertainment because he's ronery!

http://youtu.be/jdug6yHJB40

NSFW, sound!

[Old Greg]

NLUK, try the advanced search function at the top of the page, or if you can't manage it:

http://forums.contractoruk.com/searc...earchid=554024

Alternatively, the CUK FAQ service is still live. See my signature.

[MarillionFan]

Old Greg on his first time with a GF

OG - 'Brace yourself darling'
GF - 'Oh look it's like a penis, but smaller'

[shaunbhoy]

I once heard this story, I don't think it's true but I hope it is!

It's from an old ex-army colleague, when he was serving in Germany, his kid was giving gip in the supermarket and so he gave the little swine a slap.

This German woman sees this and says;

"In Germany we do not hit our Children..."

To which he retorted...

"Well, in Britain we do not gas our Jews...."

Like I say, prolly not true....

I also heard that one, although it was attributed to someone's wife. Probably an urban myth.
Not sure if it was Churchill that said this or not, but I always liked the tale of when he asked a young woman if she would sleep with him for a thousand pounds.
She thought about it briefly then coyly answered "Yes".
He then said "Would you sleep with me for 10 pounds?"
She immediately, and quite indignantly retorted "Of course not, what do you think I am?"
He then finished with "We have already established WHAT you are. Now we are just haggling over a price!"

[Old Greg]

Old Greg on his first time with a GF

OG - 'Brace yourself darling'
GF - 'Oh look it's like a penis, but smaller'

Is that why you stunned, gagged and blindfolded yours first?

[MarillionFan]

Is that why you stunned, gagged and blindfolded yours first?

This thread is called 'The 32 Wittiest Comebacks Of All Time'

Not the 'The 32 shit:tiest Comebacks Of All Time

Of which you place No 2, just after Suityou's 'But you're a bigger bedwetter' riposte.

[DiscoStu]

A young Yorkshire fielder, having let a ball go through his legs for four, apologised to Fred Trueman (the bowler) - "Sorry Fred, I should have kept my legs shut."

"Aye lad," was the reply "so should your mother."

[doodab]

I like the story about the BA pilot, slightly lost while taxiing at frankfurt airport. When asked by the tower 'what's the matter, haven't you been to frankfurt before?' He allegedly replied 'yes, I came here twice in 1944 but it was dark and I didn't stop'