I need a pot noodle….

[Wilmslow]

Sidle up to her, or sachet up to her if you prefer.

Nonchalantly push your ray-bans to the edge of your nose and peer over them and make eye contact.

Then repeat these words :

"Wow, you don't sweat much for a fat lass!"

In the ensuing laughter, suggest a drink after work.

Piece of cake.

Good god - I just read this post, without realising what I was doing started to laugh, as I started to look at the said fair maiden, who looked back at me, which made me realise I was looking at her, so had to jerk my head at a weird angle to pretend I was actually looking at the ceiling instead.

[TestMangler]

Hanging is too good for some

Not for me

My Mrs is forever telling me she wishes I was properly hung

[shaunbhoy]

Rope on it's way in the post

Good job. He can fashion himself a Bridgend Cravat!!

[TestMangler]

Good job. He can fashion himself a Bridgend Cravat!!

OUCH !!

[suityou01]

Good god - I just read this post, without realising what I was doing started to laugh, as I started to look at the said fair maiden, who looked back at me, which made me realise I was looking at her, so had to jerk my head at a weird angle to pretend I was actually looking at the ceiling instead.

OK jerky is good, we can work with this. What we will do here is work the sympathy angle. We need to convince her you have tourettes.

Carrying on spasmodically jerking, count to 10 then scream "Vagina!" at the top of your voice. When she gives you a startled look, explain you have tourettes and you'll be up to your nuts in guts in no time at all.

[PAH]

Dave over there says your name is Wilma

My name's not Rodney, you plonker.

[Freamon]

There is a desk just opposite me, someone from another team has moved onto it a few weeks ago.

As today is dress down day for the awards ceremony at a hotel later on, this lass is looking hot. Sizzling. Like she is dressed up for a night on the town.

[d000hg]

Pictures please?

That's really going to help him look normal, sneakily taking a picture of her.