Relationships - waste of time ?

[TwoWolves]

You simply can't generalize about relationships, everyone wants something else at different points in their lives and nowadays there is more choice than ever - but that's made things harder, not easier.

I think the hardest things about relationships these days are that people are too self-absorbed, expect the relationship to solve their own emotional problems, allow third parties to poison the relationship and finally think that if it was "meant to be" it would be easy.

I married at 40, its been nearly a year now plus the two years we dated beforehand. So why did I do it? The romantic aspects are a given but she was the only girl I ever know who wasn't screwed-up and had a realistic view of what a life together requires one to give and what to expect to get out of it.

[threaded]

...or steal your pies and crap all over your shoulder.

<threaded>Polly want a pie?</threaded>
<threaded in polly mode>Hmmmmffffff, don't mind if I do...</threaded in polly mode>

Or it just steals what ever it wants of someones plate, like the chicken leg here:

[ASB]

Question:

If you were buying a house with your partner of 6 years and you were both putting in different amounts to the purchase and mortgage would you agree to a 'Declaration of trust' agreement stating who owns what %. My partner wont as it goes against her beliefs (catholic). During a row she even said that she thought she would be owed the money as if we split up within the next 2 years it would be highly unlikely for her to be able to find a man and get pregers quickly.

Any girls on here care to comment. Im about to exchange contracts on a place this week, and though she agreed to sign before she has changed her mind, Im sticking to my guns no agreement means Im not going a head, do you think Im being unreasonable

In practical terms you can be tenants in common with varying shares.

I find it difficult to follow any rationale in "against my beliefs". As a partner of 6 years there has presumably been some intimacy . Cohabiting (you don't mention marriage) presumably doesn't involve seperate rooms. Doing a runner and getting knocked up doesn't seem to involve marriage.

Practicing Catholic views don't appear to correlate to this particularly well. But maybe Benedict's a bit more laid back.

Ultimately if you are tenants in common she is entitled to her share of ownership in the event of leaving or similar. Surely that is precisely what she wants - or says she wants.

[janey]

You simply can't generalize about relationships, everyone wants something else at different points in their lives and nowadays there is more choice than ever - but that's made things harder, not easier.

I think the hardest things about relationships these days are that people are too self-absorbed, expect the relationship to solve their own emotional problems, allow third parties to poison the relationship and finally think that if it was "meant to be" it would be easy.

I married at 40, its been nearly a year now plus the two years we dated beforehand. So why did I do it? The romantic aspects are a given but she was the only girl I ever know who wasn't screwed-up and had a realistic view of what a life together requires one to give and what to expect to get out of it.

I totally agree, and that's why I was so shocked at people saying they "needed" to be in a relationship and they always made sure they had another relationship to go to before finishing one. The very reason people get so screwed up in the first place is because of stupid manipulative games such as this.

I am happy to admit I was pretty messed up after my last relationship and that's the very reason I've been single for 2.5years, to make sure that 1. I don't take baggage into the relationship and 2. I'm ready to put the hard work and effort into it to make it work.

[Francko]

Being a catholic myself (although not practising) I'm not entirely sure how she is claiming that signing such a document is against her beliefs. All it is doing is setting out in a legal document who contributed what, surely?

I am not catholic but I find those documents atrocious. Besides, I am afraid they will also prove of little value against a good lawyer. I have never seen any of them doing any good against an angry ex-wife (but again I don't have a lot of experiences in divorces, I might be proven wrong).

However, I might be too little cynical in those cases, but I strongly believe that when you are married whatever you have achieved, you have achieved together. So if the person wins the lottery once you were married, yes, half of it must go to your wife. And when you divorce? How can you walk to her and give her a bill? I might have a different point of view on this issue but I do believe that if you decide to get married (or in a long-term relationship since you start living together) from that moment everything you make belong to both of you, doesn't matter if one earns 1 and the other 99.

[Clog II The Avenger]

Women!

Women are fine for screwing but that is where the relationship should end. By the time we men learn this it is usually too late in life.

My Fellow Contractors Epitaph

Martin. Beaten by his wife. Police took no action until he was stabbed in the chest.

Roger. Wife unfaithful and her lover moved in the family home while he was working away. The Court gave her the house and kids and he has to pay the mortgage. Her lover pays nothing.

Andy. Wife left him and kids to live with her holiday romancer. Andy now has the kids and house organised and tidy for the first time in his life and he still manages to do his Job.

Duncan. He woke up one morning to find his wife not in bed. He was left with kids but he had to sell the house, look after the kids and provide for his wife who was living with another man.

There is on law for men and another law for women when it comes to violence and divorce.

[DaveB]

I am not catholic but I find those documents atrocious. Besides, I am afraid they will also prove of little value against a good lawyer. I have never seen any of them doing any good against an angry ex-wife (but again I don't have a lot of experiences in divorces, I might be proven wrong).

However, I might be too little cynical in those cases, but I strongly believe that when you are married whatever you have achieved, you have achieved together. So if the person wins the lottery once you were married, yes, half of it must go to your wife. And when you divorce? How can you walk to her and give her a bill? I might have a different point of view on this issue but I do believe that if you decide to get married (or in a long-term relationship since you start living together) from that moment everything you make belong to both of you, doesn't matter if one earns 1 and the other 99.

In this case I think that the agreement would prove binding, since they are not actually married, the wording was partner, not wife. That changes things significantly.

If that is the case, and she is under the impression that she is entitled to anything should the relationship break down then she is going to be in for a nasty shock should it ever happen. Remember, despite the folklore to the contrary, there is no such thing as commonlaw marriage. You're either married or you're not. If you're not you get nothing. Whatever you own you own, whatever your ex owns they own, and neither has any claim on the other.

TBH I'm surprised the mortgage lender doesn't want some form or documentation stating the ownership balance as well, since it will want to chase both parties should they fail to make the repayments.

[janey]

Women are fine for screwing but that is where the relationship should end. By the time we men learn this it is usually too late in life.

<snip>
There is on law for men and another law for women when it comes to violence and divorce.

I'm sure it'd be extremely easy for me to list an equal number of crappy things men have done to women.

as for the inequality of the law, I agree that sometimes men get a raw deal in custody battles etc, however in so many cases its the men who screw over women. Unfortunately its the good guys who end up get a raw deal as a result of the other men who don't do their share for their kids etc

there are good people and bad people, not all women ab*thes just as not all men are w@nkers

[Ivor1]

Good point about the s*x part of it, your right surely that goes against what she believes.

If its a joint mortgage unless you have the agreement they
assume its a 50/50 split. The Declaration of trust is entered on the land registry, so its pretty much bullet prof.









I wanted the agreement then to see how things go, she has given me set deadlines for marriage and kids, I hate that. I'm happy to proceed with house as long as the agreement is in place as we both make money.

I just wanted to know others opions, she is adiment I am wrong, the fact that none of her freinds have such agreements with there partner doesnt help.

I hate to say it without offending all the ladies on this site, but on one hand they want equal rights, but on the other hand some also feel they have a right to there partners money, I understand if you have kids but not if its just you and her.

I am pretty much on the verge of pulling out, I feel though for the people we were buying from I hate screwing people around like that. Thing is if I pull out thats us over for good, may be thats the right thing.

[Fleetwood]

French law is much more equitable than English concerning divorce.
Now, in England, you get birds suing for their ex-husband's future pensions and inheritances....
What about Ray Parlour's fat slag wife?????? "I nursed him through alcoholism therefore I'm entitled to a third of his future earnings" plus a one million pound house and 250K a year.
Under French law, you are legally obliged to help your spouse. Napoleonic code and all that.
"Les époux se doivent respectivement secours et fidelité" is a clause in your marriage contract. (Each spouse promises to be faithful to, and help the other).

As Rod Stewart said " I'm not going to get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house".