A left ear, a right ear and a nose walk into a bar

[Pinto]

An Englishman, Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a bar.

The waitress says: "Whoever says liver and cheese in the same sentence, and I like it, can have me."

Englishman: "I love liver and cheese."

Waitress: "That's not creative enough."

Scotsman: "I hate liver and cheese."

Waitress: "That's just as bad."

Irishman: "Liver alone....cheese mine!"

[SallyAnne]

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman walk into a bar.

The barman says "Is this some sort of joke?"

[Moose423956]

Did you hear about the dyslexic alcoholic who choked on his own vimto?

[Moose423956]

A ghost walks into a pub and says "Large Jack Daniels please". The barman says "We don't serve spirits here".

[SallyAnne]

A blind man walks into a bar.

I cant believe you laughed at that you sicko

[DaveB]

A duck walks into a bar and says "A pint of lager please barman, and put it on my bill".

[ChimpMaster]

A duck walks into a bar and says "A pint of lager please barman, and put it on my bill".

......A computer walks into a into a bar and says "A pint of lager please barman, and put it on my tab"

[DaveB]

A duck walking into a bar and asks for a packet of bird food.

"We don't serve bird food" says the barman.

"Ok" says the duck, and walks out again.

Next day the duck come back in.

"Got any bird food?" he asks the bar man.

"No." Says the barman, "I told you yesterday we dont serve bird food."

"Ok" says the duck, and leaves once more.

Next day the duck is back again.

"Listen here," says the bar man, " if you ask for bird food again I'll nail your bloody beak to the bar!".

The duck looks at him.

"Got any nails?" He asks.

"No" Says the barman.

"Right", says the duck, "Have you got any bird food?"



IGMC.

[DBA_bloke]

Piece of string walks into a pub and orders a lager.

"Feck off!" says the barman, "I can't serve alcohol to string."

String goes away and returns wearing sunglasses and a false moustache.

"Feck off", says the barman, "You're a piece of string, aren't you?"

String fecks off and returns with a boob job and a blonde wig.

"Feck off", says the barman, You're a piece of string, aren't you?"

String fecks off and has a think. Suddenly, the piece of string ties itself into a knot, and pulls apart its ends.

String walks into the bar.

"Feck off", says the barman, You're a piece of string, aren't you?"

"No, I'm afraid not."

[BoredBloke]

"Did you hear about the dyslexic alcoholic who choked on his own vimto"

But did hear of the one who tried to hold up a bank with a gnu. And who got a red hot poker up the @rse when he asked satan for a suprise at christmas.