A left ear, a right ear and a nose walk into a bar

[Moose423956]

And the dyslexic goalie who made a fantastic vase.

[Moose423956]

Algorithm - the frequency by which someone runs for vice-president of the US.

[DaveB]

A man walks into a bar in New York. He sits down, puts a large bag on the bar and orders a drink.

"Whats in the bag?" askes the barman by way of conversation.

"I'll show you" says the man.

He opens the bag and lifts out a miniature grand piano and puts it on the bar.

Then he pulls out a miniature stool and puts it in front of the piano.

Finally he reashes back into the bag and pulls out man, no more that a foot high, and wearing full evening dress. The small man sits down at the piano and begins to play beautifully.

"Wow!" Says the barman, most impressed, "Where did you get that little guy?"

"It's a long story" says the man. "but when I was travelling in the Far East I came across this lamp. The man who sold it to me told me that all I had to do was rub it hard and think of my greatest desire and it would be granted."

"Thats amazing" replies the barman, "where is the lamp now?"

"It's right here" says the man, pulling an old brass lamp out of the bag.

"And all you have to do is rub it hard and think of the thing you want the most?" the barman asked.

"Thats it" says the man.

"I'll give you $100 to use it once" said the bar man.

"No" said the man.

"Five hundred!" said the barman

"No"

"A thousand! A thousand dollars right now to use that lamp once!"

"Hmmm" said the man." A thousand dollars you say?"

"A Thousand Dollars!" Exclaimed the barman, "I'll fetch it from the safe right now!".

"Ok", said the man, "for a thousand dollars you can use the lamp just once."

The barman rushed off to the back of the bar to fetch the money from the safe. A few mintes later he returns.

"Here you are " he said "A thousand dollars, just like we agreed"

"Ok" said the man, taking the money. "Here is the lamp. Rub it hard and think of the thing you want the most. Remember, you only get one shot, so make it a good one."

The barman took the lamp, held it in one hand and with the other began to rub vigorously. Closing his eyes tight he concentrated on thinking of the thing he wanted the most.

The next thing the barman knew, when he opened his eyes the room was full of ducks. Ducks on the bar, ducks on the tables, ducks on the floor, ducks out the door and down the street. Ducks everywhere, so many that he could hardly move without treading on one.

"What the hell is this!" The barman demanded, "I asked for a Million Bucks!"

"Dont blame me" replied the man, "Do you think I asked for a twelve inch pianist?"


IGMC.