Suggestions for elGordo’s last budget speech

[zathras]

Well Wonderwaif, even though you were my favourite honey when I first joined, I'm afraid I'm going to have to disagree.

I likes 'em.

I think the country is in an amazing position, WAY better than it was 10 years ago.

They're far from perfect like, but I think they've done a decent enough job.

What planet are you on?

Just wondering as it can't be a small blue green one orbiting an unremarkable yellow sun.

[wonderwaif]

What planet are you on?

Just wondering as it can't be a small blue green one orbiting an unremarkable yellow sun.

I resent that Zathras. I WAS her favourite honey, and rightly so.

[Churchill]

I've got a suggestion for his last speech...

"Argh..... I've been shot!"

[BoredBloke]

""Argh..... I've been shot!"

Preferably by one of those weapons of mass destruction which can be found littering Iraq. Oh yes there never were any were there because the feckers lied to us.

[Denny]

"I think the country is in an amazing position, WAY better than it was 10 years ago. "

Go on list them! In what ways are we better off.

I can think of one or two things, but overall things haven't improved at all.

One improvement is the government's drive to reduce and eliminate anti-social behaviour. This to me is a welcome move - now it is culturally uncool to play music loudly at night that may wake the neighbours up or throw litter all over the place. Even though we still have anti-social behaviour, the authorities are now trained to intervene to put a stop to this and blame the wrongdoer instead of blaming the victim for being an interfering, spoilsport fusspot like they used to and advise you to wear earplugs or move out.

I also like the Chancellor's drive (no pun intended) to persecute 4 x 4 drivers and the general discouragement away from gas guzzling car drivers. For years now, long before the green consciousness/global warming/reduce emissions issues became prominent in the naughties under NL, I was always in favour of road traffic being heavily curtailed for gratuitous use and have always been sickened and saddened so see long queues of cars polluting the atmosphere during rush hours with only 1 driver in each of them. This drift away from 'car ownership righteousness' seems to be happening now and people are having to think twice about whether they need a car, what sort of car they should buy and how often they use it and for what purpose (for essential trips or non essential). This can only be a good thing. Same goes for gratuitous use of other pollutants and fossil fuels waste. Hopefully, in the new tomorrow of car ownership, having a cool car will attributed to owning something small, cute and zippy that runs on electricity or low carbon fuels rather than the monstrous status symbols of the yesteryear like Ferraris and Porsches and so on.

What I hate about this government:

Iraq war
Stealth taxes - IR35 in particular
CCTV and ID cards - gross invasion of privacy
Poor government controls over immigration and terrorism (the latest passport issuance scam that includes terrorists)
Nanny state bossinness about health and safety over just about everything
House prices now being so out of reach to the young they can't afford to live in their home towns. A crash would be welcome.
Introduction of student loans instead of grants
The demise of real teaching autonomy in schools instead of turning them into monitored exam pass mark adminstrators.
No real improvement in the criminal justice system or offending / recidivism rates.

[BoredBloke]

But even their 2 plus points are flawed!

Labour promised to be tough on crime. They may have tried to reduce anti social behaviour but it hasn't worked. ASBO's are not the answer. I would say that anti social behaviour is one of the things which has increased over the past 10 years.

As for the cars issue, didn't Prescott promise to reduce car journeys as part of his transport plan? I think things went the other way. This government have had 10 years to come up with a transport policy. A while ago I had a contract on the wrong side of Manchester to me. I checked into using public transport as I fancied the idea of not having to drive in and out on congessted roads. There was no way at all that I could fit 8 hours in the office and commute using public transport unless I used a taxi for part of it - somewhat negates the benefit of leaving my car at home on the ecological front then.

As for the 4x4, why just pick on them? A modern 4x4 produces similar emmisions to a standard family car. How much CO2 does a 4x4 produce compared to a porsche or a 10 year old Vectra? The reason they have picked the 4x4 is simply down to politics of envy and the targeting of people who they know can afford this tax hike - can't understand why sports cars and jags/mercs etc are not included.

"monstrous status symbols of the yesteryear like Ferraris and Porsches and so on."

No give me one of the cars of yesteryear and you can have the smart car.

[DodgyAgent]

I can think of one or two things, but overall things haven't improved at all.

One improvement is the government's drive to reduce and eliminate anti-social behaviour. This to me is a welcome move - now it is culturally uncool to play music loudly at night that may wake the neighbours up or throw litter all over the place. Even though we still have anti-social behaviour, the authorities are now trained to intervene to put a stop to this and blame the wrongdoer instead of blaming the victim for being an interfering, spoilsport fusspot like they used to and advise you to wear earplugs or move out.

I also like the Chancellor's drive (no pun intended) to persecute 4 x 4 drivers and the general discouragement away from gas guzzling car drivers. For years now, long before the green consciousness/global warming/reduce emissions issues became prominent in the naughties under NL, I was always in favour of road traffic being heavily curtailed for gratuitous use and have always been sickened and saddened so see long queues of cars polluting the atmosphere during rush hours with only 1 driver in each of them. This drift away from 'car ownership righteousness' seems to be happening now and people are having to think twice about whether they need a car, what sort of car they should buy and how often they use it and for what purpose (for essential trips or non essential). This can only be a good thing. Same goes for gratuitous use of other pollutants and fossil fuels waste. Hopefully, in the new tomorrow of car ownership, having a cool car will attributed to owning something small, cute and zippy that runs on electricity or low carbon fuels rather than the monstrous status symbols of the yesteryear like Ferraris and Porsches and so on.

What I hate about this government:

Iraq war
Stealth taxes - IR35 in particular
CCTV and ID cards - gross invasion of privacy
Poor government controls over immigration and terrorism (the latest passport issuance scam that includes terrorists)
Nanny state bossinness about health and safety over just about everything
House prices now being so out of reach to the young they can't afford to live in their home towns. A crash would be welcome.
Introduction of student loans instead of grants
The demise of real teaching autonomy in schools instead of turning them into monitored exam pass mark adminstrators.
No real improvement in the criminal justice system or offending / recidivism rates.

Whilst I would not argue (as opposed to agree) with a lot of what you say (although I suspect that your hatred of flash motors has little to do with your concern for the environment) I am tickled by the irony of some of your critiques.

Let us take IR35 for a start. Surely this is an anti greed tax that encourages rich tax avoiders like Denny to come clean and pay their NI and tax dues instead of being greedy selfish capitalists.

For someone who is always whining about agencies and who would openly welcome legislation to curtail their activities you seem none to keen to on the "nanny state"

Does it finally occur to you in your little world of "non joined up" thinking that if there were to be a property crash that the economy would go into free fall and first time buyers would have even less money or income with which to buy your cheaper homes!

[threaded]

No give me one of the cars of yesteryear and you can have the smart car.

So true. I've an ancient M5 in my collection, accelerates h3ll of a lot better than the new M5s, and uses less fuel doing it.

And the spares are cheaper too.

Problem is with the emissions, it wouldn't pass the rules for new cars, but I just don't get it. If a car burns less fuel to do the same job, then surely it must be emitting less pollutants?

I mean to ask: does spraying extra petrol into the exhaust to keep the catalyst nice and hot really make things better? To my mind if you burn less petrol in the first place then that is much the better solution...

Also, where do they get the materials for these catalytic converters? From some g0d awful third world country where the income is no doubt used to prop up some truly disgusting dictatorship.

And how do they get rid of these catalytic converters? Almost certainly they 'recycle' them, which means some even more ev1l pollutants dumped into the environment.

[threaded]

In fact, thinking on it further, I recon an old Porsche etc. almost certainly will use less resources in its entire life than many if these new cars.

[MobileCheese]

And that was the budget, please note my new book '1001 ways to screw British puplic' is out now priced £35.35