Contracting and child mainteanance

[d000hg]

agree she also sounds a bit callous & nuts

This is based on hearing the side of the story from a man who clearly and understandably has a very subjective view. Her side could be equally strong and very different. To his credit the OP didn't want to go into the personal stuff and I think that's best.
This would also be best outside General IMO, unless the OP is pretty thick-skinned!

To get on topic, everything I've heard is that trying to hide income in these situations only leads to more problems. No idea on the legality but everyone knows full well the intent of the rules is not to give contractors a free pass on their dividends so you'd at best be exploiting a loophole. One assumes your ex knows you don't earn a minimal salary and can pull you through the mud to some length over it. Do you want that for own well-being? Do you want your child to grow up under the cloud of their parents fighting over "how little daddy wants to contribute?"

[vetran]

This is based on hearing the side of the story from a man who clearly and understandably has a very subjective view. Her side could be equally strong and very different. To his credit the OP didn't want to go into the personal stuff and I think that's best.
This would also be best outside General IMO, unless the OP is pretty thick-skinned!

To get on topic, everything I've heard is that trying to hide income in these situations only leads to more problems. No idea on the legality but everyone knows full well the intent of the rules is not to give contractors a free pass on their dividends so you'd at best be exploiting a loophole. One assumes your ex knows you don't earn a minimal salary and can pull you through the mud to some length over it. Do you want that for own well-being? Do you want your child to grow up under the cloud of their parents fighting over "how little daddy wants to contribute?"

If the situation he described is true, i.e. he was married to her for 7 years and they had a planned pregnancy, then after 5 months she left sort of suggests there is something odd going on her side. He might have communed with the devil but it doesn't sound like he did.

I suggested he stick around for the kid because she might not be stable.

[Lost It]

agree she also sounds a bit callous & nuts so you need to be there for the child. Anyone who does that sort of thing is not firing all cylinders.

Oh they definitely are. Anyone who plans something that takes 7 years to execute is very "cute". OP needs to watch his back with this one. Maybe even ask for a paternity check? Might be a bit of a step too far that one though.

[NotAllThere]

Just reminded of the sudden craziness of one of BP's wives.

I don't do the whole thing "well, we've only got his side, got to be fair to her". That would only make sense if she was a regular posting here. You can't be "fair" to someone who you're not even remotely connected to.

[vetran]

Oh they definitely are. Anyone who plans something that takes 7 years to execute is very "cute". OP needs to watch his back with this one. Maybe even ask for a paternity check? Might be a bit of a step too far that one though.

Having watched a number of breakups the female is not always blameless or even vaguely stable. Though a number of the males don't behave either.

Mate of ours took up with a woman who was married to his friend who she already had a child with, they committed adultery , the girl and her entirely pleasant husband divorced and the new couple moved in together, had a couple of kids, a decade later the Mate is suffering a completely screwed back and is registered disabled.
The wife decides she made a mistake and goes back to secretly sleeping with her ex who has a new girlfriend and child. She kicks our friend out so in his 50s he is back living with his dad.

Now our mate is no brain surgeon or George Clooney but he is a loving dad and when he could manage it he hoovered the lounge etc.

The two women I know who accused mates or husbands of terrible things, threw cutlery & china at their husbands and were undone during the divorce because the husband had witnesses or recordings of the mental behaviour.

Personally I would make all custody cases take a paternity test. Then the argument never arises.

[d000hg]

Just reminded of the sudden craziness of one of BP's wives.

I don't do the whole thing "well, we've only got his side, got to be fair to her". That would only make sense if she was a regular posting here. You can't be "fair" to someone who you're not even remotely connected to.

Eh? It's not about "being fair" it's about a total stranger posting an unsubstantiated story. They are clearly going to post their version of events which either deliberately or not, puts them in the right.
Ask yourself, isn't the idea that a woman conspired with her family to marry someone, wait half a decade of seemingly happy marriage, get pregnant then run off with the baby, sounding a teensy bit like it might not be quite accurate?

People here seem keen to believe it, but then there's a lot of bitter divorcees here.

[Gibbon]

Mate of ours took up with a woman who was married to his friend

Got everything he deserved, and why oh why do people think when they hook up with a cheater that they won't do it to them, fecking beyond me!

[d000hg]

Having watched a number of breakups the female is not always blameless or even vaguely stable. Though a number of the males don't behave either.

Whoever suggested they were? A relationship breakdown is nearly always down to both parties even if not in equal measures. You do love to jump to extremes in your arguments.

[vetran]

Got everything he deserved, and why oh why do people think when they hook up with a cheater that they won't do it to them, fecking beyond me!

I basically said that to him, he was apologetic and later the woman pointed out she made the moves. As she did going back to her ex.

He should have shagged it and shoved it, nasty piece of work. It would have saved his mate a load of trouble as well.

[vetran]

Whoever suggested they were? A relationship breakdown is nearly always down to both parties even if not in equal measures. You do love to jump to extremes in your arguments.

wouldn't be fun otherwise