Experience of divorce?

[jeremytaxman]

Andrew, Sorry to read about your experience - it sounds truly horrible, and it mus thave been very tough to pick yourself up.

In these situations are there things that guys can do to minimise the damage, common mistakes that guys always make etc...

[Bagpuss]

In these situations are there things that guys can do to minimise the damage, common mistakes that guys always make etc...

Yes, getting married

[SallyAnne]

What a good idea... so guys if you want to get married choose a divorcee.. this way you her and her kids/your kids all can live off of her ex

Thats not what I said at all, and it's not what I meant.

If he is clearly so scarred from previous relationships (and I dont blame him, poor thing), perhaps the ideal partner is someone who has also been scarred. It would be awful if his gf hadn't been through marriage and babies before - it's like his scars are robbing her of having any real life.
But if she's been through the mill herself, then she'll understand his reasons, and probably agree.

[To BI or not to BI?]

Thats not what I said at all, and it's not what I meant.

If he is clearly so scarred from previous relationships (and I dont blame him, poor thing), perhaps the ideal partner is someone who has also been scarred. It would be awful if his gf hadn't been through marriage and babies before - it's like his scars are robbing her of having any real life.
But if she's been through the mill herself, then she'll understand his reasons, and probably agree.

I think you should have your own tv show on the box, SA, something like the Trisha one

[SandyDown]

Thats not what I said at all, and it's not what I meant.

If he is clearly so scarred from previous relationships (and I dont blame him, poor thing), perhaps the ideal partner is someone who has also been scarred. It would be awful if his gf hadn't been through marriage and babies before - it's like his scars are robbing her of having any real life.
But if she's been through the mill herself, then she'll understand his reasons, and probably agree.

Lighten up mate, I was just kidding

[BrilloPad]

Nah - move to Pakistan, get married there. They've got the right idea.

" I divorce you, I divorce you, I divorce you. Now get out of my house..!"

I think you are suggesting men have the same power that women have now. And I think things would be worse! especially for children.

I appreciate you are only joking - I just find it hard to find funny.

[BrilloPad]

Your poor gf - I bet she feels like she's really going to miss out.

Is she in her 30's "find a husband and start having babies" phase? Or are you lucky and have found someone who already has kids and also has scars of the past too?

I am 43 and she is 39 - so far she has accepted my decision. She has no prior children. Its very hard for me as I know she would like to get married and have kids - but the scars run so deep for me.

Maybe time will cure things? Or a change so that the law is child centric rather than woman centric. Remember that the law is perfect - the 1989 children act contains everything I want. All I want is it implemented.

Interesting that at the moment women still get a raw deal in the workplace. I suspect there needs to be more equality at home and work.

[BrilloPad]

What a good idea... so guys if you want to get married choose a divorcee.. this way you her and her kids/your kids all can live off of her ex

good point. remember it goes further. whilst you have no right to see your kids, your ex can move in with Ian Brady.

I know a f4j chap whose 6 year old daughter was raped by his ex's new partner - he was not seeing his daughter. The judge who decided no contact was found with child pornography - but was allowed to retire instead of being prosecuted.

I think I might have to call an end to my involvement in this thread - too much of the past is coming to the surface. But thanks all for your kind comments and words - if anyone needs to PM me I will try to provide help in general terms.

Andy Neil

[jeremytaxman]

On many levels things need to change, but in the meantime, without equitable treatment, marriage and family are simply too risky for men - and to be avoided.

[MobileCheese]

May be he could try this approach and she will get message

http://www.diynot.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=74476