CUK's top ten tips for contractors

[WTFH]

Here are my ten:


1. Acronyms. If all else fails, acronyms.
2. KUATB
6. Accountants are people who understand numbers. Search for them.
5. Always take a dump on your client.
3. Flattery will get you nowhere, but flatulence will get you thrown out of a small meeting room.
7. Go out drinking with the client
4. What goes on in General stays in General.
6. Leave a drinking session before the client boss.
7. Or at least leave before paying.
10. Every few days make a comment about climate change
8. Get a VAT receipt. Even when you don't pay.
9. Never trust a scientist. Always trust a cartoon found on the internet.

[OwlHoot]

1. Ask your accountant
2. Try using the search function
3. Never trust an agent
4. Get at least three BTL's
5. Never follow MarillionFan when he comes out of Trap 2
6. Don't ask BriloPad how's the family
7. Don't try and be funny in the Professional forums
8. Never visits a Turkish prison
9. Learn how to bleed a radiator
10. Always take a dump on Client time

Waste of typing, as mudskipper (?) produced an automated SimonMac reply generator web page, with all the above gems and more!

[mudskipper]

Waste of typing, as mudskipper (?) produced an automated SimonMac reply generator web page, with all the above gems and more!

NLUK

Mr ms got some spam mail the other day (he's got our catch all mailbox) - "it's come to really odd domain - northernladukcommentgenerator.co.uk". I didn't bother trying to explain...

[NibblyPig]

1. Post interesting stuff on the forums for me to read

[northernladuk]

NLUK

Mr ms got some spam mail the other day (he's got our catch all mailbox) - "it's come to really odd domain - northernladukcommentgenerator.co.uk". I didn't bother trying to explain...

Lol... If it's from a member of the Nigerian royal family could you tell them the money is on its way.

[diseasex]

1. You are not cut out ... go permie
2. Go permie , you fail
3. Contracting is not for you
4. Blow money on hookers (FLC)
5. Buy contractors car (jag/ porsch) at the very least
6. Buy BTL and get doomed
7. Go contracting and get burned
8. Go on fill yer boots and then come back crying
9. If you entered contracting and are successful. You will cry soon enough as market will dry out

[LondonManc]

1. Confirm that you're cut out to be a contractor
2. Please read the guides before posting unless you want to be treated with disdain by, at the very least, NLUK.
3. If you've not read them and can't handle the truth, feel free to get shirty with NLUK then flounce
4. Complain about Gidiot and co as often as you possibly can
5. Make up new acronyms to confuse people. HTHBISFDI
6. Fix Things For People. They don't need to broken to begin with
7. If in doubt, mention AndyW's mum
8. If in further doubt, mention MF's weight
9. If still in doubt, mention the Welsh and JSA claiming
10. Don't make lists

[BrilloPad]

1. get incriminating photos of admin so you can be made poster of the year

Hang on - then is the top advice for agents - carry on.....

[FatLazyContractor]

1. Don't argue with the likes of MarillionFan. He is a Permie and a deluded one. Heard the saying about arguing with fools and all that?
2. Don't complain about any blatantly racist/homophobic posts made by people like MarillionFan. You will receive an infraction.
3. Logic and fairness are words printed on CUK General toilet paper.
4. Always take AtW's permission before marking a thread Official.
5. Note to newbies - Don't be active in General. You will be labelled a Sockie.
6. If you have received an infraction, ignore it. People cannot make their own decisions in general, let alone decide what your post is about (or understand it).
7. If you are banned and you feel crucified, so was Jesus Christ.
8. NLUK is a normal sized human being.
9. Don't blow all your money on hookers. Save some for the STD treatments.
10. WGAF

[OwlHoot]

7. If you are banned and you feel crucified, so was Jesus Christ. ..

Yes, but he came back!