Sausage Etiquette

[EternalOptimist]

I had some sausages for me tea last night, the missus was out for a works curry, and it occurred to me that although I know a lot about sausage making, some on here may not.

There some secrets as well as some 'good form', and I will end with some examples of sausage faux pas, including appropriate sausage language.

The first secret is that this is a mans job. It takes forty minutes to fry a sausage, thats ten minutes on each side. Yes! you heard it here first, a sausage has four sides.
Now we all know that there are two natural sides, but with the help of a halved tomato the convex side can be arranged, then with the spatula and a bit of force, the concave side.
The heat must be turned very low, obv, to avoid sausage-burn.
The second secret is scissors. It's important to separate the sausages and the cleanest way to do this is with a dinky pair of scissors.

When cooking a sausage it's vital to gauge the fat content before, during and after. It's tough on your guests if they cut into, or heaven forbid, take a bite of a sausage that explodes and sprays fat in all directions. It's possible to let the right amount of fat out, by piercing the skin in the right place.
If you find the sausage too dry after cooking, never fear. Throw a bit of ketchup, mustard, chille or pickle on, and that will bring back a little moisture.

Finally, don't be casual with the language because sausage making is a serious art. Using schoolboy humour might get a cheap laugh, but this will undermine a great institution , so don't do it. e.g. Don't tell the missus you have a 'giant saus ' for her tonight
don't tell her the tea is nearly ready but it just needs a little prick.
you get the idea

[OwlHoot]

Someone should invent a miniature clockwork sausage spit you can wind up, then fit a sausage it on like a corn on the cob, so it slowly rotates under a grill or even in a frying pan.

Or you could have several parallel spits in a frame like an abacus, each rotating. That way the clockwork could be kept out of the heat and fat, and could drive the rotation via a long shaft.

[NotAllThere]

One of your wurst posts.

[vetran]

Someone should invent a miniature clockwork sausage spit you can wind up, then fit a sausage it on like a corn on the cob, so it slowly rotates under a grill or even in a frying pan.

Or you could have several parallel spits in a frame like an abacus, each rotating. That way the clockwork could be kept out of the heat and fat, and could drive the rotation via a long shaft.

Sausage, long shaft you are depraved!

Disgusted of Tunbridge wells.

[EternalOptimist]

One of your wurst posts.

me mum used to make her sausies with lots of breadcrumbs. We were so poor, it was difficult to make both ends meet

[OwlHoot]

Sausage, long shaft you are depraved!

Disgusted of Tunbridge wells.

Darn. I expected EO to pick up on that first.

[PurpleGorilla]

Poach then fry keeps them straight. Reduce the liquor to make the gravy.

[NotAllThere]

Someone should invent a miniature clockwork sausage spit you can wind up, then fit a sausage it on like a corn on the cob, so it slowly rotates under a grill or even in a frying pan.

Or you could have several parallel spits in a frame like an abacus, each rotating. That way the clockwork could be kept out of the heat and fat, and could drive the rotation via a long shaft.

For my son's wedding, the caterers used a machine with rotating skewers on a chain driven belt. You loaded the sausages at the top, and by the time it reached the bottom they was perfectly cooked. It was electric, not clockwork.

[BrilloPad]

Not so much of a sausage and more of a chipolata?

[vetran]

Darn. I expected EO to pick up on that first.

you missed spit roast, Prick and a few others