Inane Discussions with Agents and answers you'd love to give

[Contractoid]

Can I speak to Emma Please?
Who is calling?
xxxxxxxx
What's it regarding?
Oh I don't know you are a recruitment agency aren't you? So maybe its regarding the colour Green. Oh no silly me its regadring a f&^*^%$g Job!

So what Industries are you targetting as part of your career development plan?
Mate. I'm a f&*(^)%g contractor! I don't HAVE a f*&^%$*g "Career development Plan". Just bills that need paying, funding for holidays, cars, food and the odd bit of porn. Any Indistry that has a smegging contract at the right day rate and isn't a pain in the arse to get to numbnuts!

Why were you only there 3 months?
Because that's how long the sodding contract was. I tried strapping myself into my chair with chains and refused to leave but curiously that didn't seem to work and the buggers stopped paying me.

Iv'e read your cv and its very good. What experience do you have of negotiation?
Oh I don;t know, maybe EVERY SINGLE F*&^%$(G Interim and full time jo on the 24 Year history cv you have alledged to have read you stupid muppet!

Could go on for another 100 or so, over to you lot....

[tractor]

...

Hello, Tractor speaking.

Hello? Is that Tractor?

[barrydidit]

Me - "Hi Jess, it's been a while"
Jess - "Hi Barry, how did you know it was me?"
Me - "Erm.. I memorised your number"
Jess - Reeeeeeeeely???!!!!!! Wow, thats..."
Me - "Jess, it's saved in my phone from last time...."

Still cheers me up.

[EternalOptimist]

yess, we need 5 years or more of SQL 2013

no problem. I have eight years of that ......

[suityou01]

A pimp, calling me on my mobile was arranging to call me back later in the day.

Will you be in, he asked?

Dude, it's a mobile phone.

Oh yeah.

This really happened, yesterday morning.

[eek]

A pimp, calling me on my mobile was arranging to call me back later in the day.

Will you be in, he asked?

Dude, it's a mobile phone.

Oh yeah.

This really happened, yesterday morning.

Will you be in doesn't mean will you be in, rather will you be in "a position" where you can talk to him for the 15 minutes or so he wants....

I agree there was 1 on the call but I really don't think it was the person you think it is...

[suityou01]

Will you be in doesn't mean will you be in, rather will you be in "a position" where you can talk to him for the 15 minutes or so he wants....

I agree there was 1 on the call but I really don't think it was the person you think it is...

That is the most contrived load of bollocks you have ever posted.

Congrats

[TykeMerc]

That is the most contrived load of bollocks you have ever posted.

Congrats

Well you would know, you only ever post contrived bollocks (or lies if you prefer).

Contractoid covered most of the ones I'd like but I'll throw in one for good measure:-

Pimp -- It's our corporate policy to collect professional references from each of your contract primary contacts for the last 3 years prior to submitting your CV to the client, please provide names, positions, phone, email and client details.

Me -- Well it's my corporate policy to point out that you're on a fishing trip and a blatant liar go Fxxk yourself with a fork, sideways.

[NotAllThere]

A pimp, calling me on my mobile was arranging to call me back later in the day.

Will you be in, he asked?

Dude, it's a mobile phone.

And then when he called back, you diverted him to voice mail...


Back in 1997 - before some of you were out of school...
Agent: we've not been paid for the contract you did ending in June
Me: oh, that's a shame. I have.
Agent: erm.... it turns out we did the client timesheets signed after all... and now they won't pay us without them
Me:

What the idiot didn't realise was that I was still in that contract, having been extended through his agency. And I'd got the timesheets signed and kept them, just to be on the safe side. Though I let him suffer a little longer before letting him know.

[suityou01]

And then when he called back, you diverted him to voice mail...


Back in 1997 - before some of you were out of school...
Agent: we've not been paid for the contract you did ending in June
Me: oh, that's a shame. I have.
Agent: erm.... it turns out we did the client timesheets signed after all... and now they won't pay us without them
Me:

What the idiot didn't realise was that I was still in that contract, having been extended through his agency. And I'd got the timesheets signed and kept them, just to be on the safe side. Though I let him suffer a little longer before letting him know.

I do not understand a word, sorry. << me