Pub Rules At Christmas

[Batcher]

You from Scotland, aye?!

Aye

[Sysman]

And if you go into a chippy, and you are having fish

let them know straight away, so they can get one going

If there's a pile of fish already in the warmers, ordering a special makes sure you get a fresh one.

Especially at opening time when the lot in the warmers could be leftovers from the last session.

[Sysman]

Grande skinny caramel macchiato, half soy and an extra shot

Can you translate that into English please?

[Bunk]

Can you translate that into English please?

He said "I'm a pretentious knob end and I don't really like coffee. Could you make me something sweet please?"

[Dactylion]

He said "I'm a pretentious knob end and I don't really like coffee. Could you make me something sweet please?"

Yeah - but I thought we had covered that

Oh look it's that poncy winker I bet he orders some namby pamby pretentious wink of a drink.....

[NotAllThere]

You can bribe them into drinks after time has been called.

[d000hg]

It's more like knowing your drinks and serving them when you arrive!

That requires you're a boring git like Simon who always orders the exact same thing.

Remember, if the landlord knows you by name then 'You've made it!'

Why would you tell him your name

Could not agree more with this - fookin amateur drinkers...

ordering Guinness last

paying one by one - with plastic makes me wanna hurt someone so bad.

and the best one - middle of a heaving pub order a coffee - please fu<k off to star bucks

You sound like a right laugh down the boozer.

As for ordering Guinness last, surely you reel off the order in one go and let the barman work is way through it? It's a poor barman who can't remember 4 Stella, one with a top for the "lady", 3 Guinness, 2 1/2 Doom Bar, 3 cokes, a large red wine and 6 packets of salted nuts.

[FatLazyContractor]

That requires you're a boring git like Simon who always orders the exact same thing.

Or a man who knows what he wants.

Why would you tell him your name

You don't have many real offline friends, do you?! The local isn't an online forum where you maintain anonymity.

[d000hg]

Or a man who knows what he wants.

Yes but if he always wants the same thing he's boring. Unless he frequents different pubs and always drinks the same, different drink in each of them

You don't have many real offline friends, do you?! The local isn't an online forum where you maintain anonymity.

Yes but the landlord is not your friend because he knows your name. My point was, you can chat casually with the landlord for years without trading names. If you sit at the bar with mates he'll learn your name, if you drink at a table you might never actually trade names. Don't we all have people we can have long conversations with without knowing their name?!

[SimonMac]

He said "I'm a pretentious knob end and I don't really like coffee. Could you make me something sweet please?"

You've met me, could you ever call me pretentious? Not denying the knob bit