Bird bit on the bum

[EternalOptimist]

The missus heard a new excuse a few days ago.

One of the carers could not make it into do her shift, because she got bit on the bum.
By her horse.
and it got infected.
not the horse.
the carers bum

[BrilloPad]

She was involved in a sex game.

[xoggoth]

Remember my sister got bitten on the shoulder once by a New Forest pony. Nasty teeth shaped bruises.

[mudskipper]

I got bitten by a tortoise. Not on my bum though.

[EternalOptimist]

I got bitten by a tortoise. Not on my bum though.

They can move very quickly when angered.

I heard of one once that beat a rabbit in the 400m. or something like that

[Scruff]

One of my fellow contractor scum got bit on the tit by a pony in the New Forest. It made for a good laugh but I'm glad I never had that bruising.

[barrydidit]

my 'beating off a tortoise' story

I got bitten by a tortoise. Not on my bum though.

I once rescued a lady who was being savaged by a tortoise. It was one of those giant tropical feckers and she'd been feeding it leaves cos it was stuck in a dusty cage with nowt to eat. They might have a reputation for being slow but this only relates to their legs - their necks are surprisingly quick. It's beak thing sliced through her nail into her finger and it wasn't for letting go, at least until it got punched on the top of the head.

I hope it wasn't related to Zeity in some way....

[mudskipper]

This was a little one. It lived in our garden (this was in sunnier climes) and was climbing my foot. I thought 'how sweet', then it clamped onto my shin, and I was screaming with tortoise hanging from leg. My dad pulled it off (not like that!) and it took a chunk of shin with it. I still have the scar.

[DaveB]

Remember my sister got bitten on the shoulder once by a New Forest pony. Nasty teeth shaped bruises.

It's the little ones you have to watch out for. Viscous little buggers, and they get meaner the smaller they get.

[Sysman]

Remember my sister got bitten on the shoulder once by a New Forest pony. Nasty teeth shaped bruises.

An 'orse bit me on the shoulder once with the same result.

'orse shoe shaped bruises.

Aitches dropped 'cos it was a Yorkshire 'orse of course.