Divorce and being Blackmailed

[Pondlife]

Guys - no one here knows the whole story. What if this contractor is a mummy's boy and wants to live with his parents forever because he prefer's his ma's cooking or likes to cuddle up to his parents at night. I'm sure that would p1ss most wives off!! Maybe she doesn't even want to get divorced but the mother-in-law has driven her to this state in some way.

I'm not saying that is the case but we don't know the full story. I think this contractor is a bit of a loser to end up in this position. He has no cash and no assets - has he been giving his entire earnings to his parents all this time? What life was he intending to make for his wife and child?

This was how I read it as well. Sounds like the wife and out-laws are giving an ultimatum to get their own place.

Why not just rent somewhere?

Or is mums cooking really that good?

Being an adult isn't suitable for everyone.

[max]

Does she have any shares in the company?

Not sure that matters...they're married, so starting point of any splits is 50% of all assets, including shares he owns in his ltd co.

But anyways...he's a grown up, with a kid..FFS buy the house, hardly the worst investment one can make. He can still take his washing and ironing to mummies!

[Royal Albert]

ok some of the guys here have got the wrong end of stick. reason why we were staying at mummies was to be able to save for a house, and NOT waste money on rent.

I gave the option to rent, but the inlaws demand i buy property. they do not want me to rent either. to add to this, the wife admitted to having an affair many months back, which was short but sweet for her. baby is mine, no doubts about that. i forgave her, as i neglected her a little, but i havent forgotten.

i do not want to buy the house, so it gives the inlaws satisfaction of winning. plus even if i buy a house, tomorrow she can kick me out and law of this country will leave her and the kid inside and me outside.

i need advice on my assets. so far i think i have been smart by not having cars, plus thousands of pounds in my name. this is where mum/dad/sister have come in handy.

However i do have a Ltd company, which is seen as an asset

[Lewis]

A few thoughts ...

Things can get very out of perspective when you have a 6 month old baby, particularly for the mother. I think if my wife and I were living with my parents when our son was 6 months, we would have got divorced! The least you should be doing (if you have any interest in the releationship surviving, which I am not so sure about) is to rent somewhere for you all to live.

Bear in mind you are going to have to have a relationship with this woman for the rest of your life, in some form, if you are to keep contact with your son. As hard as it might be, try to be as reasonable as you can and recognise that being a parent brings new responsibilities such as contributing to the cost of raising your children.

I think buying a house sounds a bit impractical. It could take months to go through and it is stressful enough just going through that alone. Go and rent somewhere nice, quick and easy and then see how things go.

What about marriage guidance, for the sake of you child? If the releationship really is over then yes you might as well get a new company secretary but if she has shares you can't just demand them back so seek legal advice ...

Plus maybe deal with her and not her parents?! It's not their place to be making any demands, plus you have no guarantees if you buy somewhere she won't start divorce proceedings anyway so the blackmail angle should just be ignored.

[ChimpMaster]

Do you have a lot of cash in the Ltd? If so then this is also going to be split with your wife if you divorce. Try to be creative to get the cash out - if she owns shares then a dividend will not be of any use (unless you pay it to her but it goes to you somehow)... instead maybe give yourself a bonus or a director's loan.

I'm sorry to hear about the affair. This could be the end of the road, and I feel for you because you have a young child who you will seldom see and who will suffer because of the problems between you and your wife.

Sometimes in-laws can be such a pain, and the cause of so many marital problems. Do you want to stay with her, really?

[Lewis]

in a way i feel she wins both ways, if i dont provide her with a house, this stupid government will give her a council house as a single parent.

That is a disgraceful coment! You would rather your son grow up without his own home. Get a grip.

[Lewis]

Did that happen to you too? I feel so cheap and used now - she made me feel I was special.

[TheFaQQer]

I think if my wife and I were living with my parents when our son was 6 months, we would have got divorced!

If I'd tried that, it would no longer be my problem. The Mrs would be on a beach somewhere, sipping a Pina Colada, having collected on my life insurance policies!

[TheFaQQer]

The first question that you need to answer (and no-one on here, or at home can answer it for you) is whether you still want to be married to your wife. If there were no parents around / involved / confusing the situation, would you want to be married to her? I'm not generally in favour of saying "stay for the kids sake" if the relationship is going to be increasingly bitter and fractious.

If you don't want to be married to her any more, then you need to get a divorce sorted. It's at that stage that you need to think about what you do about assets - there's no point in trying to hide money at this stage, unless you have decided that you will be getting divorced. If you divorce, then your wife will have a claim on your income, as will your child - there is nothing that you can do about it. This will include dividends that you might be getting, and possibly a share of your pension plan in the future. You cannot get out of paying alimony, and you should be paying support for your child.

If you want to stay married to her, then you need to spend time talking to her - not to her parents. Go to Relate if necessary, or just spend some time talking the situation through. It might be that your in-laws are just trying to make sure that you are aware that she isn't happy living with your family, and are trying to force you to take some responsibility and get a home sorted for your wife, child and yourself. They are going the wrong way about it, but maybe they are trying to tell you (in a somewhat aggressive way) that you need to get your arse in gear and sort it out.

Regardless of these two situations, the two people that you need to be acting in their best interests are your son and you. In that order. I can't believe that anyone would rather put themselves first than their children, and think that they are still losing by forcing them to live in a council house.

Take some ******* responsibility here, and sort it out one way or the other.

[Flubster]

I think everyone is barking up the wrong tree. This is blackmail...shop your missus and her parents to the old bill. Forget trying to protect your assets and explaining away history. When they're banged up you'll have nothing to fear. You will need to get a new Company Secretary though...