Advice on Speech - Best Man

[Orbit]

Just remember that everyone there wants your speech to be entertaining and funny - no one's there to heckle you!! So, don't get too drunk and don't over step the mark and offend anyone and you'll be fine...

Stick to more personal stories and anecdotes rather than generic jokes found on the web, makes the whole thing more personal and original...

In my BM speech I had a theme of cars as the groom was quite obsessed with them at the time. In part of the speech I talked of his Ex's in relation to cars - he tried 'topless models' and 'ones with big rear bumpers', he's had 'brand spanking new' and he's tried 'high mileage oldies'!! etc... Was very tongue in cheek but went down well.....

Also on his stag do I had him up on stage in Prague having candle wax dripped over him by some naked Czech ladies.... I included a little in-joke in the speech about having a 'low-key' stag where we saw many 'fine sights of natural beauty' and even had a 'candle lit dinner'!! For those that weren't in the know it went right over their heads - meanwhile he was bricking it that his missus would find out...

He's going to be my best man in a couple of weeks and now I'm a little worried about what will come out, so remember what goes around....!!

Good luck!!

[cojak]

and don't mention the bit about shagging the bridesmaids....

...or the bride

[Kyajae]

The advice about alcohol is spot on for the best man.

Just remeber one thing:-

A bloke who's pissed.........

- Talks b0ll0x
- Smells disgusting
- And walks with rubber legs

So stick to the 12-pint mark!

[scon_ead]

DaveB - that link looks excellent, thanks! Probably worth a tenner to subscribe as the material they are showcasing is spot on.

(But don't be taking my post off script talking about Lenny Henry!!)

Any other suggestions guys?

[DaveB]

Saw a prog with Lenny Henry last night, in which the best man asked that if anyone still had a key to the (now) brides flat, could they please hand it back, at which point 19 guys (of all ages) got up and placed a key on the head table. He then went on to count them and say that there were originally 20, and as he was a true mate of the grooms, he'd return his key too.

Might be an old gag, but it worked well. LH advised him against doing it, but readily confessed he was wrong, and that it'd worked well.

Saw that one as well. Liked the bit where he visited the old folk sheltered accomodation where his mum had lived. He got collared by one old bird who insisted on telling him jokes. She only knew three, all of them filthy

[n5gooner]

I was best man for my brothers wedding in the US, I could not think of a speach at all and had a whole year to get one!!! I just add libbed, and it worked out fine, need less to say I had a gaggle of Amercan birds chatting me up later wanting to hear my voice, then again the wedding was in South Carrolina.

[realityhack]

I was at a wedding once where the best man whipped out a guitar and performed a song about the groom - his brother. Excellent work. The whole speech was in 4 verses and the chorus was a complete pisstake.

I made a best man's speech where I used a theme, starting from a quote by Aldous Huxley: "The secret of genius is to carry the spirit of childhood into maturity" - and <groom's name> is the brightest lad I know...

Stick to a story, or theme, to carry you through the whole thing, and remember etiquette - like thanking the parents, compliment the bride, bridesmaids etc.

And remember to slow down, and breathe.

Edit: Oh, and they say never to go up there unprepared and just wing it - but I veered off-script completely and it worked out well (It helped having some pointers to hand in case I started to struggle).

[Chugnut]

Saw a prog with Lenny Henry last night, in which the best man asked that if anyone still had a key to the (now) brides flat, could they please hand it back, at which point 19 guys (of all ages) got up and placed a key on the head table. He then went on to count them and say that there were originally 20, and as he was a true mate of the grooms, he'd return his key too.

Might be an old gag, but it worked well. LH advised him against doing it, but readily confessed he was wrong, and that it'd worked well.

Would have been quite good if the head bridesmaid had returned the 20th key.

[wobbegong]

Saw a prog with Lenny Henry last night, in which the best man asked that if anyone still had a key to the (now) brides flat, could they please hand it back, at which point 19 guys (of all ages) got up and placed a key on the head table. He then went on to count them and say that there were originally 20, and as he was a true mate of the grooms, he'd return his key too.

Might be an old gag, but it worked well. LH advised him against doing it, but readily confessed he was wrong, and that it'd worked well.

[freakydancer]

I've done the best man thing twice now - even though after the first time I did it I said I'd never do it again. there are loads of websites where you can nick witty anecdotes and tulip like that. Have a few drinks but don't get too pissed - the second speech I did was a pretty slurred affair to say the least.

[DaveB]

If you get stuck theres is always http://www.thebestmanspeech.com/

[Chugnut]

Someone I know once started their best man speech with "Thank you all for coming, in both senses of the word!".

He thought "I'll start with a joke and get them all on-side". Whilst this is sound advice, the joke wasn't.

You could count the tumbleweeds apparently.

There was a website called Confetti; there's lots of advice on there for everyone with a role on the day. We used it a lot when we got married.

Good luck.

[Ardesco]

Just think up some funny childhood stories (like when bill ran into a lamppost because he was gawking at some girl, etc) Bear in mind that the whole family is going to be there so a witty anecdote about the time bill went to Holland and caught the clap is probably not a good idea....

Make sure you practise the speech beforehand and don't drink too much before you stand up, nobody wants to hear some drunk twat dribbling on. And the most important thing is have extra material. When I did mine half of my jokes got stolen by the groom/other speakers who got up before me so I had to thyink on my feet a bit.

A good one is always read something awkwardly telling everybody how wonderful the goorm is and then stall half way through and then complain about the grrom's writing ability

[Burdock]

I once heard someone start a best man's speech by saying, "Being asked to be a best man is like being asked to shag the Queen Mother. You don't really want to, but you can't really say no..."

(Mind you, this was a few years ago, and she was still alive. Perhaps you could substitute QM....)

[scon_ead]

Simple question really...

There's a lot of 'funny' people on here so was hoping I could get some good pointers for a speech I need to deliver in my role as best man.

Have you ever been to a wedding with a good best man speech? What was funny about it? I'm just looking for any generic things/stories you've heard that I can pinch...

It's either that or I feign insanity to get out of it...