Reply to: Elderly parents...

[psychocandy]

Sounds like my Gran's place. She's 89 now with cataracts and we've got the stage where one of the family will take her out shopping for the day so someone else can dive in and try and clean the place. Not that's there's much you can do in a couple of hours when all the surfaces are covered in "stuff". She's got a dodgy leg & she'd still rather take 2 buses than spend £5 on a taxi to my aunt's house - guess its a generation thing because my parents are spending my inheritance like they're running out of time fast!

Oh yeh.

I'm sure my old man has got a list of things in his head that he think, under no circumstances you should ever pay for. These include :-

1. Taxis (Would rather walk and make himself ill than pay £5)
2. Washing machines (whats the sink for? Again even if makes him ill doing it)
3. Pre-packed sandwiches (£2 for a sandwich!)
4. Cleaners/Home Help (£5 for 2 hours from the social - daylight robbery apparently)
5. Carpets/furniture (apparently they last forever)
6. Solicitors (Don't get me started on that one - he told my brother £200 was excessive fee for him to pay to start court proceedings to get access to hos kids!)
7. Cars (he doesn't drive and thinks anyone who runs a car is wasting money!)
8. Holidays (rue the day I ever told him I dont get paid when Im away - all I get now is 'if that was me I'd never take a day off'.

As you can see, my dear old man has some strange ideas!!! Like I said, he's got so much in the bank even my Mrs would have a hard time spending it...

[SarahL2012]

Rickety old furniture that is falling to bits. Chairs that he can hardly sit on because it gives him a bad back. Old bed that I;m sure I used as a child - so worn he cant sleep.

Clean. Not at all unfortunately. Social have offered to give him help with cleaners etc but hes got make a contribution (again, because hes got so much money saved - his fault again!). No chance in a million years that he'll pay for a cleaner - it was something like £5 a week but he thought that was daylight robbery....

Sounds like my Gran's place. She's 89 now with cataracts and we've got the stage where one of the family will take her out shopping for the day so someone else can dive in and try and clean the place. Not that's there's much you can do in a couple of hours when all the surfaces are covered in "stuff". She's got a dodgy leg & she'd still rather take 2 buses than spend £5 on a taxi to my aunt's house - guess its a generation thing because my parents are spending my inheritance like they're running out of time fast!

[d000hg]

Does he know how much he has and is he up with rcent news?
If not you could tell him a white lie that he'll benefit from tax breaks for the eldery (or some such story) if he gets the essentials you think he requires.

Think how you come and bitch on CUK when the government do things "for your own good" that you don't want or feel you need.

[VirtualMonkey]

Does he know how much he has and is he up with rcent news?
If not you could tell him a white lie that he'll benefit from tax breaks for the eldery (or some such story) if he gets the essentials you think he requires.

[jmo21]

Probably half "stop telling me what to do" defending his independence, and half the older generation just being way more careful and less spend-free than our generation - even though blatantly obvious he needs some stuff.

My mum retired 5 years ago at 60, and my dad has just retired last month at 70 (because he was happy to keep working so he said).

They have plenty of savings to keep them going, and even if that runs out I'll be able to sort them out.

What I'm most worried about is my dad fading away now he is retired. A large part of his keeping working I think was being scared of retirement.

[sasguru]

I haven't seen my old man for ages but we kind of keep in contact. He got the barmaid in his local pregnant some time ago so had to marry her so I have a stepbrother who is over 25 years younger then me. He's still working well into his 70's and I know that in the past year he's been working in Russia, Serbia, Ghana, South Korea, Denmark and Bulgaria just to name a few and I still have no clue what he does.

Assassin for hire obviously.

[psychocandy]

My parents are in their early 70s and quite happily spending my inheritance. My grandmother is 99, and has just handed power of attorney over to her daughters; she can't do much, so just takes each day as it comes - she's in a decent nursing home.

In-laws have a bit of money, but their only interests in life are their kids and grandkids. Mum's losing it a bit, but dad seems to be getting on fine. Nice garden they have.

You can't run your parents' lives for them. Just be there when they need you.

Aye. Thats the problem I fear. He cant see what is needed.

[psychocandy]

I wonder whether there are any second-hand shops or charities that would allow you to trade in the existing furniture? If you were to explain the situation to them and give them a hefty donation I expect he would be able to trade in his old carp and have some semi-decent second hand furniture, and he'll think he'd got it for free.

But ultimately I agree with his logic. I hate spending money too.

Mate. At the end of the day its just a bit of paper or a pile of metal.

You cant take it with you....

A perfect life is to earn enough to do what you want, to have enough left to do what you want when you finish working, and then spend your last pound on the day you drop.

[NotAllThere]

My parents are in their early 70s and quite happily spending my inheritance. My grandmother is 99, and has just handed power of attorney over to her daughters; she can't do much, so just takes each day as it comes - she's in a decent nursing home.

In-laws have a bit of money, but their only interests in life are their kids and grandkids. Mum's losing it a bit, but dad seems to be getting on fine. Nice garden they have.

You can't run your parents' lives for them. Just be there when they need you.

[KentPhilip]

Rickety old furniture that is falling to bits. Chairs that he can hardly sit on because it gives him a bad back. Old bed that I;m sure I used as a child - so worn he cant sleep.

I wonder whether there are any second-hand shops or charities that would allow you to trade in the existing furniture? If you were to explain the situation to them and give them a hefty donation I expect he would be able to trade in his old carp and have some semi-decent second hand furniture, and he'll think he'd got it for free.

But ultimately I agree with his logic. I hate spending money too.

[escapeUK]

I haven't seen my old man for ages but we kind of keep in contact. He got the barmaid in his local pregnant some time ago so had to marry her so I have a stepbrother who is over 25 years younger then me. .

I think you'll find thats called a half brother. A stepbrother would be her existing child from someone else who is no blood relation to you.

Id love to put my father in a home. Are there any that are run like mental asylums?

[psychocandy]

The parents in law are exactly the same, they drive the missus and her brother scatty. More than enough money coming in and they won't spend it to make their lives easier.

Mind you, I will be exactly the same when I am ancient, I have the mean gene.

I just dont see the point of racking it up in savings for the sake of it.....

[xoggoth]

The parents in law are exactly the same, they drive the missus and her brother scatty. More than enough money coming in and they won't spend it to make their lives easier.

Mind you, I will be exactly the same when I am ancient, I have the mean gene.

[psychocandy]

If he's happy with rickety old furniture, and keeps things clean, leave him be!

Rickety old furniture that is falling to bits. Chairs that he can hardly sit on because it gives him a bad back. Old bed that I;m sure I used as a child - so worn he cant sleep.

Clean. Not at all unfortunately. Social have offered to give him help with cleaners etc but hes got make a contribution (again, because hes got so much money saved - his fault again!). No chance in a million years that he'll pay for a cleaner - it was something like £5 a week but he thought that was daylight robbery....

[psychocandy]

It's not likely he'll change then. We had a bit of that type of thing in the first place so we started by saying stuff like "you have to have it and if you don't buy it, we'll get it for you" or "I'll buy it and you pay me back" - and then just go and buy it for him so he felt he had to pay for it. Eventually it got easier but what made the real difference was when he realised that he could no longer cope entirely on his own.

We have similar brother issues so you have my sympathies on that score.

Tried all those approaches. Gets to the point where he says 'NO I DO NOT WANT TO SPEND MONEY!; and gets upset.

The decorating thing was a disaster. I finally talked him around and was getting it arranged.

He then phones me out the blue to say dont worry - hes got someone to do it. Asked him who - a 'friend' of his who used to be a painter (said friend was in his 70s). Asked him about colours and he said dunno I left it up to friend. Nice one Dad.

Anyway, it got done. Worst painting I'd ever seen. Old man was happy though because it was cheap. Dont even ask about the colours. Obviously whatever friend had left over was used.

Bollacked him for that. He needed it done properly not cheap and crap. Infuriating.