Reply to: Things a contractor doesn't want to hear...

[NotAllThere]

First off, I've scheduled your interview with HR for 11:00...

[russell]

"Welcome to Accenture"

[Paddy]

Clientco: We'd like you to take over this failing project.

Norr: ok, can you get me the plans, budgets and business specs from the other project manager

Clientco: there aren't any

Norr:

( A true story folks)

Had a similar one, "can you write up the project plan for the one we completed last month?" (before I arrived at client co)

[DodgyAgent]

Or from an agent at lunch:

"I have left my wallet at home"

[DodgyAgent]

"It's your round"

[norrahe]

Clientco: We'd like you to take over this failing project.

Norr: ok, can you get me the plans, budgets and business specs from the other project manager

Clientco: there aren't any

Norr:

( A true story folks)

[Paddy]

We’ve decided to move all our systems and severs to Microsoft Windows because our director uses Windows on his laptop and he says it is easy to use.

[russell]

"Welcome, this is your seat, this guy sitting next to you is Norman from Wilmslow"

[russell]

"This is your'e seat, the screens are angled so the guy paying your invoices can see hes getting his moneys worth".

[NotAllThere]

"would you be interested in joining us as a member of staff"

Wow. I flinched just reading that.

I'll just recalculate my earning per second to restore my equilibrium. Ah, that's better. Ker-ching.

[eek]

Don't come in tomorrow. We're having a budget review meeting.

[Bacchus]

"would you be interested in joining us as a member of staff"

[ThomasSoerensen]

I need two references before I can submit your profile to the clent.

[NotAllThere]

We'll handle all payments to HMRC for you...

[Lockhouse]

The ones I hate usually involve a printer not working.

Or even worse, printing but clipping the margins or headers and footers.