Reply to: ******* children!!!!

[doodab]

It is no wonder the world is in such a mess.

[Sockpuppet]

Sound proof the cupboard under the stairs and chuck them in there with duvets and pillows and maybe some food.

Plus they'll think they're about to be rescued by Wizards.

[stek]

On of my Plan B's is to develop my Baby Clamp, designed to prevent 'twisted nappy syndrome' where the little sod spins round just as you attach the second and decisive fastener. A simple metal frame with hand and feet restraints. Kid gets up and wanders off with a wonky nappy but not with Stek's Patent Baby Clamp.

My ex-colleague developed a fool proof method of combatting toddler child-seat body-arcing, where the little swine refuses to sit in the seat properly, arches it's body right out making it impossible to buckle-up the restraints. Discovered by accident initially, you basically crack the kids head on the car door frame as you put him/her into the carseat, kid doubles up in pain and fits the seat perfectly, buckle up quickly before kid realises it's been duped.

[cailin maith]

There is a low voltage taser you can buy for stunning kids. It’s harmless and just stuns them for about ten minutes.

but

[Paddy]

[QUOTE=MF]

Massive presentation in the morning. Had four hours to finish. Missus gone out!

******* kids one after the other up screaming!

Is there a particular length of time you can apply a pillow over a face without it being fatal? QUOTE]

There is a low voltage taser you can buy for stunning kids. It’s harmless and just stuns them for about ten minutes.

[OwlHoot]

So thanks for nothing CUK. The answer was Calpol!

If it happens again, give them each a tot of brandy.

That's what my nanny gave me at that age, and apparently it works wonders.

[eek]

Agreed. Unless the problem is a Calpol overdose.

The solution to that is to use Calpol ipuprofen.

[Old Greg]

WMPS +1.

Doesnt matter what the problem is, Calpol is the answer.

Agreed. Unless the problem is a Calpol overdose.

[DaveB]

It always is.

WMPS +1.

Doesnt matter what the problem is, Calpol is the answer.

[eek]

It always is.

Not always. You may need piriton as well if its a rash.

MF reminds me of the husband of my wife's best friend. Away for their christmas shopping weekend he phoned 30 times with minor queries regarding food, tv programs.... I spoke once having confirmed and triple checked exactly what the girls wanted for christmas.

[MaryPoppins]

The answer was Calpol!

It always is.

[Mich the Tester]

I'm guessing what word is hidden behind the *s and must inform you that it is illegal and immoral. You are a very naughty boy.

[MarillionFan]

The wife eventually came home from whatever evening drinks do she was at to find me in the office and the youngest one screaming his head off in his room.

'How long has he been crying?'
'About an hour and a half' I replied
'You've left him his room for an hour and half crying!!!!'
'Of course not, ten minutes or so, he's been down with me for an hour. I've been asking people on an internet forum the best way to smother him'

She scowled at me and gave him some Calpol and put him to bed.

So thanks for nothing CUK. The answer was Calpol!

[SimonMac]

Sound proof the cupboard under the stairs and chuck them in there with duvets and pillows and maybe some food.

Ah the Fritzel method of parenting!

[ThomasSoerensen]

Massive presentation in the morning. Had four hours to finish. Missus gone out!

******* kids one after the other up screaming!

Is there a particular length of time you can apply a pillow over a face without it being fatal?

15 minutes - just to be sure. I am sure you won't die from exhaustion from that.