Reply to: Quick question before I speak to my solicitor....

[russell]

Love the sig, sums you up a treat

I think this one suits me better

For all the divorced fathers out there (including myself) some right relief from a fellow divorced father.

[Platypus]

Love the sig, sums you up a treat

[vetran]

I'm lucky so far as a divorce virgin so my sympathies

Its probably a good time to draw a line under the property and any other assets. You have access and have been what looks like more than fair, however the game has changed/ is changing.

She is moving on, the new guy is moving in. Until now its been 2 adults with no agenda but the child (which is great). Once they get to be a full couple its natural for them to exclude you and change their attitude to what seem reasonable arrangements.

Depends on the equity in the home how much you & her are entwined.If there is none get your name off it don't try to cut the money, if there is work out a way to transfer it sensibly and with proper legal process be generous if need be.

Could she + him afford to buy you out if you continue to pay what you pay now? You get a lump sum to clear your debts / invest, she gets you out of the way on the property so you can't sell it from under her, just in case you go bankrupt/become a drug addict etc (you get this protection as well against both of them if they get married that is a real problem so its good for you).

As someone else said swap the equity for any pension if it makes sense if he runs off with the cash or they blow it all in 20 years she may well be after your pension.

It is amicable now but if the money stops or they need more it WILL get nasty. So separate your financial arrangements as much as possible. You are only a few days away from the bench if you are a contractor. Sell it as the best for both of you.If you have to cut your payments because you are sick she has less reason to stop you seeing the kids if her home is not at risk.

It also will keep their relationship separate, he won't be living in YOUR house, boning her in YOUR bedroom , bathroom, kitchen etc. If they want to paint every room in the house a funny colour that's their prerogative! However a good a man you are it will rankle, even if it doesn't they will think it will and either be embarrassed or get off on it.

Make sure you have a decent paper trail the CSA seem totally incompetent and once they latch on they won't believe anything unless its legally provable (I have friends & relatives that have suffered greatly at their hands) but they exist for a reason - couples that separate with kids regularly fall out and then the CSA get involved.

[2BIT]

The original post came over as someone wanting to worm out of paying for their child's keep. Once the Op revealed more of the backstory..well then it all looked different and he seems like a stand up bloke.

no it didn't, read it again

[Peoplesoft bloke]

My humble opinion is ask your lawyer. Even though some of on here (me included) have experience of divorce, every case really is different. You can ask your lawyer what your rights are without him sending a letter, can't you.

Bear in mind that local knowledge counts, too. My ex choose to issue the divorce in London, where neither of us has ever lived or had any connection with, because on average, payouts are higher for women divorcing there. I didn't realise it was a postcode lottery, but it is. We didn't have any kids thankfully.

[EternalOptimist]

I've heard stories of people making an "amicable" agreement between each other, the guy paying for 10 years then the ex saying he never paid a penny or taking him to CSA and him having to back pay etc. If you get it all legal at the start no one can cause problems later.

what are you burbling about now ?

I would keep the CSA or any other agency out of it whether it was amicable, or pistols at dawn. I was around when that shower of sh!t started up and I remember well the decent guys jumping off bridges and climbing large structures wearing batman suits.

In my humble opinion, get control, sort it yourself, and do whats best for your kids in your opinion. not somebody elses opinion. your opinion.
every situation is different, trying a beauracratic blanket approach is madness.
If the CSA got it right, why did it go belly up and have to change all the rules ??

fck em.

and to the op, ilovehr, you are in the excellent position of having an understanding and tolerant ex. capitalise on it now, flog her your share if its possible, or get the guy to buy you out.

all in my very humble opinion

[d000hg]

So by "amicable" we mean "amicable until the cash stops"?

[northernladuk]

Quick question when reading your initial post though. You say you are paying her £700 for half the mortgage. I assume from this you are giving her £700 cash or DD and she pays the £1400. No direct paper trail from you to the mortgage?

Do you have a legal agreement? I would be worried about this situation if I was you. Sorry if it is mentioned and I have missed it.

[Scrag Meister]

Do you still have a finaincial interest in the house?

What was the maintenance requirement in the court order or from the CSA?

If you have your daughter 2-3 nights a week, then that also comes into play in the calculations. i.e. You only pay 4 or 5 sevenths of the full weekely CSA award.

Best to check with the solicitor though.

[northernladuk]

Now, when my daugher was staying with me the other night, she mentioned that the ex's boyfriend was thinking about moving in with the ex. I don't have a problem with that, he's a decent bloke and my daughter seems to get on well with him.

From my experience of dating ladies with kids the father supporting his family is most definately in the minority. My present partner gets next to nothing on an adhoc basis which I am sure is pretty common. I moved in so I took on my half of the bills and responsibility. If I were the new guy in your story I would have offered to pay my way as I now have responsiblity and by the same token expect the fathers input to drop a little. Mortgage payments would have to stay as it is their investment. I would not put to mortgage with no come back. Bills, day to day stuff, hols and entertainment then yes and I wouldn't find it offensive if the father offered to pay less.

How about have a chat with her? If this is as amicable as it sounds there could be a chance that reasonableness and common sense may work.. or am I being overly optimistic cause it is Friday and the weekend is just about to start??

[ilovehr]

Fair enough Russell

The original post came over as someone wanting to worm out of paying for their child's keep. Once the Op revealed more of the backstory..well then it all looked different and he seems like a stand up bloke.

Maybe my reaction was a bit out of order and I should have added some back story....

Anyway, everything is bound by a legal agreement, but the consent order doesn't actually specify that part of what I pay the ex should be allocated against the mortgage. Maybe that's my fault or the fault of my solicitor....

We really are still on good terms and the thing that's foremost in both of our minds is looking after the welfare of our daughter. I'm sure that if my ex's boyfriend moves in, then I will be able to have a chat with the ex and agree a reduction in the periodic payments. All I wanted to do was get an idea of what my rights were IF she was to dig her heels in. Really it's trying to balance what my solicitor would say (he's more of a "do what's best for yourself and sod her" kind of person) against doing right for the ex and the sprog.

I'm meeting with her tonight to pick the youngster up so no doubt we'll talk about it then. I'll keep you all posted.....

[northernladuk]

Though that might change if she finds out that I ploughed one of her mates shortly after we split up.

You da man!!! <beats chest>

[russell]

he's a troll mate, just trying to wind you up - unfortunately I don't think you could hide posts by particular people

The original post came over as someone wanting to worm out of paying for their child's keep. Once the Op revealed more of the backstory..well then it all looked different and he seems like a stand up bloke.

[russell]

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

breathes

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
hoot hoot hoot hoot hoot

wipes away a tear

hoot hoot hoot hoot hoot hoot hoot hoot hoot hoot roar rroar

rolls on the floor


ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
hoot hoot hoot hoot hoot
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
hoot hoot hoot hoot hoot


bites the edge of the carpet


eeee, Rustler. I havnt laffed so much for fkng ages

I've heard stories of people making an "amicable" agreement between each other, the guy paying for 10 years then the ex saying he never paid a penny or taking him to CSA and him having to back pay etc. If you get it all legal at the start no one can cause problems later.

[2BIT]

Jesus Russel, you arrogant tw*t

Do you actually know anything about my situation? I also pay £700 per month towards my daughter's welfare on top of the mortgage (so that's £1400 per month) which is due until she's 18. I also paid a lump sum of £10,000 from an inheritance last year. I didn't mention this in my post as I didn't think it was relevant to the question.

I adore my daughter and she stays with me 2 or 3 nights per week on average. I get on well with the ex and her boyfriend.

So get off your high horse and stop jumping to conclusions.

I asked a simple and very specific question about the mortgage. Try reading the post......

he's a troll mate, just trying to wind you up - unfortunately I don't think you could hide posts by particular people