Classic comedy

[NotAllThere]

I prefer this one, from before Hugh Laurie became famous.

Hugh: Help you sir?
Stephen: Um, a dozen grollings please.
Hugh: Flushed or galvanized?
Stephen: Flushed.
Hugh: Right. That be it?
Stephen: A copper flange-pipe, braced, two jubilees, seven nipples...
Hugh: Greased?
Stephen: Greased nipples, yeah. Five olive-spantles, jigged and onioned.
Hugh: Twelve or seventeen mil?
Stephen: Twelve. Metre of fleeling wire, co-axial, twenty UJs and a parping couplet.
Hugh: Male or female?
Stephen: Male. No - second thoughts - one of each.
Hugh: Do you want the parping couplet standing proud?
Stephen: No... embarrassed, I think.
...
Hugh: Ah. Well you should be all right then, as long as you remember to suck the clenching pin tight to the arc thrust.
Stephen fetches Hugh one across the face.

Stephen: How dare you!
Hugh: Sorry.

[Glazza]

F.U.N.E.M.N.X?

[cojak]

Or a song from the olden days...

#Ain't a pity, the pub's in the city
All shut at half past ten.
If I had the power they'd shut for an hour
And open up again#

[Churchill]

Soon you'll be able to embed the video in your post

Well, until admin disables it again after the usual suspects post a load of foul nonsense

P.S. I watched it on my phone earlier; it's still the greatest thing ever to appear on The Two Ronnies, and one of the few I remember from first time around

I like the one about "a small brown Richard the Third on the pavement"

"A long time ago, in the days of the Israelites there lived a poor man. He had no Trouble and Strife – she had run off with a Tea Leaf some years before – and now he lived with his Bricks and Mortar Mary, and being very short of Bees and Honey and unable to pay the Burton on Trent he was tempted to go into the Bristol and see what he could Half Inch. He would say to Mary “I will take a Ball and Chalk into the town and buy some tobacco for my Cherry Ripe. He put on his Almond Rocks and his Dicky Dirt and his Round The Houses and set off down the Frog and Toad until he reached the outskirts of the Bristol. One day his Bricks and Mortar gave him some money saying “Here is a Saucepan Lid go and buy food. A loaf of Uncle Fred and a pound of Stand at Ease, but bring me back what is left to buy myself a new pair of Early Doors for my present pair are full of holes and I am in a continual George Raft.”

But instead of returning with the Bees and Honey for his Bricks and Mortar’s Early Doors he made his way to the Rub a Dub for a Tumble Down The Sink. He became very Elephants Trunk and Mozart and when the landlord of the Rub a Dub called Bird Lime the man set off towards his Cat and Mouse reeling about all over the Frog and Toad and drunkenly humming a Stewed Prune. It came to Khyber Pass that as he staggered along he saw on the pavement a small brown Richard The Third. He stared at it lying there at his Plates of Meat and he said, “oh small brown Richard The Third how lucky I did not step on you.” He picked it up and put it on top of a wall where no one could step on it. A rich Four by Twoish merchant who witnessed the deed put his hand into his Sky Rocket and took out a Lady Godiva and handed it to the man saying. “ Here is a Lady Godiva for your Froth and Bubble.” The man took it and the Richard the Third flew back to its nest.

When the man arrived home his Bricks and Mortar was sitting by the Jeremiah on her favourite Lionel Blair. The man said to her “here is a Lady Godiva which I earned by a kindly act. The woman was overjoyed and said. “Thank you father now I can have my Early Doors. “And I can have a Tumble Down the Sink that kindly act has ensured that we both have enough to cover our Bottle and Glass”

[NickFitz]

Four candles.

Soon you'll be able to embed the video in your post

Well, until admin disables it again after the usual suspects post a load of foul nonsense

P.S. I watched it on my phone earlier; it's still the greatest thing ever to appear on The Two Ronnies, and one of the few I remember from first time around

[norrahe]

Don't you mean fork handles?

[Clippy]

Four candles.