Reply to: I’ve just had Bob’s sister on the phone

[Tarquin Farquhar]

You'd be better off pissing on your hands, surely?

Better still pissing on HAB's hands.

[ChimpMaster]

OK, from now on in the office toilet I'm going to piss with no hands.

You'd be better off pissing on your hands, surely?

[doodab]

Of the two, your hands probably have more dirt on them.

Exactly. I never scratch my arse with my knob.

[Tarquin Farquhar]

Of the two, your hands probably have more dirt on them.

OK, from now on in the office toilet I'm going to piss with no hands.

[NotAllThere]

IIRC, fresh urine is sterile.

Correct. But your meat isn't.

Of the two, your hands probably have more dirt on them.

[NotAllThere]

Ejaculate! Ejaculate!

To be shouted in a shrill slightly metallic voice, obviously.

Perhaps you might have seen Alan Bleasdale's GBH (early 90s), where at a Dr Who fan conference there were Daleks going around saying "Fornicate, Fornicate".

[Tarquin Farquhar]

I had a similar call just now, but a 1471 showed it was from these scammers.

It is a shame that the TPS has no ability to prevent scammers calling from other countries. So many are from India now that I almost wonder whether it might be worth writing to my MP to suggest that HMG invite the Government of the Indian Republic to enforce such laws themselves on their scammers who call the UK. You know, as a gesture of goodwill on their part, appreciating as they doubtless do the £275m aid that we give them every year.

[doodab]

I tried telephone sex once with an Indian woman but she sounded a bit like Davros and I couldn't get the half-Dalek image out of my head.

Ejaculate! Ejaculate!

To be shouted in a shrill slightly metallic voice, obviously.

[sweetandsour]

I tried telephone sex once with an Indian woman but she sounded a bit like Davros and I couldn't get the half-Dalek image out of my head.

OMG. I wish I had not read that. My brain is now going wrong, so wrong.

[GreenerGrass]

I tried telephone sex once with an Indian woman but she sounded a bit like Davros and I couldn't get the half-Dalek image out of my head.

[d000hg]

IIRC, fresh urine is sterile.

Correct. But your meat isn't.

[Doggy Styles]

I had a similar call just now, but a 1471 showed it was from these scammers.

Do they do telephone sex?

[OwlHoot]

She was, to borrow a phrase, looking for business. I’ve not had any calls like that for years. When I first set up HAB Inc, actually (Ltd) in those days, I got loads of calls, but none recently.

I was about to give a load of verbal abuse, but I couldn’t do it. She sounded so nice. Yes an accent, but her English was excellent and she was very clear. She also gave the impression that she knew what she was talking about and didn’t appear to be reading from a screen.

Compare that with the numpties we have in the UK and it becomes clear why so much business is being lost. UK companies really need to ‘up their game’, as the septic say.

I had a similar call just now, but a 1471 showed it was from these scammers.

[NotAllThere]

I have noticed that many Bob's tend not to wash their handies after a number 1.

That's because they were taught not to piss on their hands.

IIRC, fresh urine is sterile. The reason you should wash your hands after being in the bogs, is that the bogs themselves are full of germs from stale urine and fecal matter. Once you've washed your hands, there's the tricky part of opening the probably filthy door...

[Doggy Styles]

Bob likes to hawk his guts up and gob it in the sink. I've noticed this at clients and public bogs. It must be a cultural thing because I've rarely seen anyone else do it.