Reply to: Business Speak Bullsh!t Bingo begins...

[xoggoth]

One used to use "Bottom dollar" and "Can do company" a lot. He looked like Mr Burns.

Yech.

[thunderlizard]

Overheard when sitting at the back of a large restructure presentation-

Senior manager presenting: And this means we can save 30 FTE
Sales team leader A: What does "save 30 FTE" mean?
Sales team leader B: It means they can sack 30 people.
Sales team leader A: Oh.


"resource" meaning "person" is annoying me at the moment too. "We've got a resource coming in to look at that next week". It has a Soylent Green ring to it, and MS Project's to blame.

[NickFitz]

not too keen on

"We have an all hands meeting"

Ugh. Client just had their Quarterly All Hands Meeting - they hired a theatre round the corner, there being 1600 hands (assuming nobody's lost a limb). I didn't go, on the basis that the guy with the contract to fill up the Coke machine probably wasn't going to bother, and I'm a contractor just like him. It was very peaceful with just a few other contractors and I in office space sufficient for 800

Another one that crops up a lot in internal emails during the ongoing management reorganisation is that "X will head up department Y and will report into Z." Why they can't just head a department and report to somebody is beyond me.

Still, this is the company that just made Canada part of Europe for internal purposes.

[shelby68]

when I was at Accidenture one of their American partners asked me "how my bandwidth was" what a tit...

[Alf W]

Getting some traction.

(you'll get traction .. my shoe on your @rse!)

[Zippy]

Out of the loop.

It's used a lot here (with some justification, I might add).

[Zorba]

Also known as "Levereging our syngergies"

*runs away screaming and clawing at eyes*

[DaveB]

Not sure if this counts, but there are a load of androids in our office at the moment firing off the classic 'shared services' b*llsh*t.

Translation: let's find two departments that do similar things, bundle them up, sack the duplicates and pocket the savings.

Also known as "Levereging our syngergies"

[Zorba]

Not sure if this counts, but there are a load of androids in our office at the moment firing off the classic 'shared services' b*llsh*t.

Translation: let's find two departments that do similar things, bundle them up, sack the duplicates and pocket the savings.

[chef]

As the service I was supposed to be adding value to at that particular time was running 1200 timesheets through an envelope stuffing machine I was at a loss as to how I could 'add value' to the 'service' short of sticking a crisp tenner in each envelope...

Hevra

i'll PM you my address if your going to be giving away free tenners

[Hevra]

'Value added service' as in, 'I want you to think about how you can make this more of a value added service'.

Translation: You want me to do yet more things that aren't in my job role, without any renegotiation of terms or pay, by disguising it as some kind of w@nky management bullsh1t.

As the service I was supposed to be adding value to at that particular time was running 1200 timesheets through an envelope stuffing machine I was at a loss as to how I could 'add value' to the 'service' short of sticking a crisp tenner in each envelope...

Hevra

[KathyWoolfe]

As Terry Pratchett said

"I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it."

He's a man ahead of his time

[robnjc]

As Terry Pratchett said

"I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it."

[wobbegong]

Thinking outside the box.
Bounce it off your people.
Going forward.
Opportunities (only a buzzword if said more than once in any given sentence)

[Moose423956]

"Here's an idea off the top of my head. I'll lay it on the table and you can shoot it down in flames."

Someone at M&S actually said that in a meeting. I was nearly sick.