The first rule of Fight Club is... the government will care for you

[WTFH]

Star Wars: Jeremy Kyle invites Luke onto his TV show to tell him the results of his DNA test... It's Jabba.

[WTFH]

Dr No. James Bond dies.

[ladymuck]

The Lord of the Rings trilogy - a load of short people walked when they could have flown by giant eagle - that would have reduced 9 hours of tedium to about 30 minutes by my reckoning.

Anything with Bruce Willis in it - the bad guys get what's coming to them and he gets to smear dirt, blood and sweat over a grateful bit of strumpet

[vetran]

Bridget Jones Diary - she ends up in a mass gangbang with the firemen and the rest of the love story disappears as she moves to the Bunny Ranch and overdoses trying to lose weight.
Willa Wonka reboot - Johnny Desperate trips on the front step while running away from peado hunters and he breaks his neck.
Anything with Danny Dyer gurning - someone loses it with Mr Smarmy in the opening credits and beats him to death with a tin of corned beef.
Australia - the plane crashes the pilot eats her..
The others - the ghosts are real and kill her first night.
The Bone collector - someone hits his life support switch.
Any Steven Seagal - doesn't matter which the plot is the same, he jumps the queue in the post office and some granny kicks his butt, Seagal dies.

[Gibbon]

What other films might we give this treatment to?

Titanic, as it sails a big bomb goes off making a nice short film without hours of wailing.

[d000hg]

Chinese streaming giant Tencent has reinstated the original ending of a Hollywood movie after a censored version last month sparked backlash.

The original ending to the 1999 film Fight Club, starring Brad Pitt, shows scenes of explosions and relentless fighting. But China's version simply showed a message on screen saying the authorities won and saved the day.
...
China's version of the film, which was only released last month, cut all those scenes, and instead explained that the police foiled the plot, arrested the criminals and sent Durden to a "lunatic asylum".

"Through the clue provided by Tyler, the police rapidly figured out the whole plan and arrested all criminals, successfully preventing the bomb from exploding," it said.

What other films might we give this treatment to?