Unethical Life Pro Tips

[chopper]

Is a child choking on an ice cube? Simply pour a gallon of boiling water down their throat.

[NotAllThere]

If any of your children are naughty, look meaningfully out of the window at the flowerbeds and murmer... we used to have 5 children, but two misbehaved...


(Assuming you currently have 3 kids of course).

[GJABS]

Isn't it easier to just chuck the kids in the fire? That's next year sorted as well.

Terrible.
Goes along with: "If your child is diagnosed with autism or cancer, save hundreds of thousands of dollars by instantly putting them up for adoption."
lol

[xoggoth]

Isn't it easier to just chuck the kids in the fire? That's next year sorted as well.

[OwlHoot]

Young kids likely to misbehave this Christmas, and you happen to have an open fire?

Gift wrap a load of empty boxes, and pile them under the Christmas tree.

Then each time one of the kids is disobedient or noisy or messy, make a show of carefully selecting a box and then throw it into the fire!

[DimPrawn]

Give the same perfume to your wife and your girlfriend. It could save your ass one day.

And you couldn't have posted this like 5 years ago?

[GJABS]

An entertaining list of Viz-style top tips for the unethical among us here.

Such as:

Save business cards of people you don't like. If you ever hit a parked car accidentally, just write "sorry" on the back and leave it on the windshield

If a computer illiterate relative/friend asks you to fix their slow computer, boost their cursor speed by a notch or two. They’ll instantly notice a difference and thank you.

Need friends? Create an attractive fake tinder profile of the opposite sex, start leading on a bunch of people, arrange a date with all of them on the same time, same place. Show up as well. Announce that they must have pulled a prank on all of you and suggest you all go drinking together

Don't get caught by your boss reading news or sports articles on your computer at work. Quickly copy the content of the article into an email and read it from there. Your boss will think you are dealing with an intensive email and will leave you alone.

Give the same perfume to your wife and your girlfriend. It could save your ass one day.

Drug tests at work? Bring homemade food for the office with slight amounts of thc. They can’t fire everyone..

If your mail service loses your mail a lot, keep sending letters to yourself but insure them. It costs about $10 to insure for $300 so as long as the courier service loses your mail more than 1 times out of 30, you're making money

Unethical Life Pro Tips

Any more?

Happy Christmas.