Reply to: Coding profanities

[malvolio]

I used to do things like that in my coding days - how about a geographically accurate OS macro that started at John o'Groats and exited at Lands End. The code was so boring to write, you had to spice it up somehow. Or another one that would echo your CLI typing in reverse font from the right of the screen? Or one I wrote to scare off a user who kept playing with commands to "see what they did" on a production system - Death.com switched off all the interrupt commands and started to display messages that looked like it was wiping the system disk (I installed it under the name Help.com). Happy days...

My favourite was a CMOS design that the analyser s/w (Dracula?) couldn't resolve, and kept throwing up strange error messages. They eventually put it under a microscope and discovered the designer had drawn a picture of a duck in the middle of the circuit, and the analyser was trying to rationalise the connections of the circuit to the drawing...

[mcquiggd]

I once worked with a guy who wrote code such as:

On Error Goto Cleethorpes

He was a contractor, so he deliberately wrote code that no-one else understood.

[TheMonkey]

There was a research project at Sheffield University where they wrote something like that. They were trying to find out what aspects of the interface made computers most difficult to use, and hence know to concentrate on fixing those problems. IIRC it was called Abusive Response System Environment, (one of those where they started with the acronym and worked back to the name.)

NTL use it in their call centres now.

[threaded]

I remember a using a dos program once that became more and more insulting with its error messages the more times you made a mistake typing in the parameters.

tim

There was a research project at Sheffield University where they wrote something like that. They were trying to find out what aspects of the interface made computers most difficult to use, and hence know to concentrate on fixing those problems. IIRC it was called Abusive Response System Environment, (one of those where they started with the acronym and worked back to the name.)

[roamer]

Worked at one place where an aspberger programmer insisted on variables like ROAST-BEEF and CARROTS.

Needless to say only he could debug the code.

I would have fired the tosser...

No doubt that programmer was far more intelligent than you kojak. Why else would you be jealous?

[wendigo100]

I wrote a random insult generator in BASIC while working at GEC. We had minutes of fun with that.

[tim123]

I remember a using a dos program once that became more and more insulting with its error messages the more times you made a mistake typing in the parameters.

tim

[TheMonkey]

Don't insult the programmer, insult the user - much more exciting. This was always a killer (back in about '88):

5 *KEY0 RUN
10 CLS
20 PRINT "Acorn MOS"
20 PRINT
30 PRINT "BBC BASIC 32K"
40 PRINT
50 PRINT "> ";
60 A$ = INPUT$
70 PRINT "FU CK OFF USELESS SH1T WIPE"
80 GOTO 40
RUN

[cojak]

Worked at one place where an aspberger programmer insisted on variables like ROAST-BEEF and CARROTS.

Needless to say only he could debug the code.

I would have fired the tosser...

[OrangeHopper]

PDP11 and 6 characters for function names.

Working on the scheduler/executive and only 3 characters available since need three to actually describe the purpose of the function.

SEX.

[martinb]

Years ago when working on PDP11's a bright spark in my office created a file of "error messages" to replace the normal "Syntax Error" you'd get when you made a typo on the command line.

There were 60 messages, and the message displayed was dependant on how many seconds past the minute the current time was.

Needless to say, when a very attractive female client was visiting, what message should appear?

"Sit on my face and tell me that you love me".

[darmstadt]

I wrote a massive COBOL application once which really pissed me off as they kept changing the specs (took 2 years to do in the end and was originally only a 6 month project.) I used:

BMB - Bugger Me Backwards
BOS - Bag Of tulip
BOA - Bunch Of Arse

as variables. When we handed the thing over they questioned the meaning of the variables and I came out with something like they were special MVS register variables. Some of the code was a bit strange so we called it POO - psuedo object orientated

[zathras]

Having come from a support background I can well understand the sentiment expressed in one of those comments.

[xoggoth]

It's very strange but I find if you have spent ages getting a function/query etc. to work then just rename it kunt or @rse or something it's sorted in no time. Then you can rename it back without the fault reappearing.

[Spacecadet]

i think i've referred to a few PEBKAC errors before, no bad languauge per se though. Maybe i should start...