Reply to: Tumbleweed moment

[MarillionFan]

In response to Stek. (You're bring back the memories now).

Would have been about 14 around at a friends house with some mates, when his older brother who would have been 16 turned up a little worse for wear early one evening. Said siblings mouthed off at each other in front of their mum, before my mate shafts his older brother my saying 'But mum he's been shagging X and she's only 13'

'WHAT!!!!' comes the shocked shout from the mum, to which the 16 year old replies 'What! What's your problem??? I used a condom!!!'

And that's when the rest of us left....

[MarillionFan]

Also, once went to a dinner party, where before arriving I was told, 'Whatever you do, don't mention suicide, the host's husband recently killed himself and she's very sensitive to it, this is her first party since'

Oh it was all going swimmingly well, laughing, joking, talking about music and then I mentioned a song by some artist (I forget who). 'Oh I loved that song, whatever happened to him....', 'Oh he killed himself' I replied without thinking.

Dong. Party over.

[MarillionFan]

Did that back in the mid 80s but was a joke about disabled kids to a guy I found out had a disabled daughter. I though his reaction was a bit cool. Fair play to him for not kicking off

I once made a joke about Downs Syndrome's roller skaters on a contractor website. Fook me that went down well.

[Doggy Styles]

I once tried chatting up a jewish girl with a jewish joke. Not an unpleasant one, obviously.

[stek]

That's Bolton for you.

Can't argue with that TBH.....

[Doggy Styles]

My brother had his beloved dog and family pet at the vets for some routine operation, and we three bros where all at his house when he called the vets to check on how it went.

My other bro announced loudly and jokingly 'I bet it's dead!!'

It was.......



Same bro when about 14 walked into our kitchen where I was sitting with my mother and her best mate Dorothy, just chatting. He rolled in pissed-up on Cider, and announced "Mum, do you know what I do in my room? I WANK!!' and bounced up the stairs cutting both his elbows to shreds on the wall/banister due to his pronounced lack of stability....

To our Phil, legend........

(He's not dead BTW)


Another one with 'Our Phil' was when I took my then 17 yo Son to visit him (both guitar freaks) to cheer my lad up after he'd been dumped by his first girlfriend. I told our Phil not to mention it cos he's was very upset and emotional over it. We walk in and our Phil immediately announces 'Women Sean, fūck 'em...'

Cue son exiting house in tears.......

To our Phil, insensitive oaf......

That's Bolton for you.

[stek]

My brother had his beloved dog and family pet at the vets for some routine operation, and we three bros where all at his house when he called the vets to check on how it went.

My other bro announced loudly and jokingly 'I bet it's dead!!'

It was.......



Same bro when about 14 walked into our kitchen where I was sitting with my mother and her best mate Dorothy, just chatting. He rolled in pissed-up on Cider, and announced "Mum, do you know what I do in my room? I WANK!!' and bounced up the stairs cutting both his elbows to shreds on the wall/banister due to his pronounced lack of stability....

To our Phil, legend........

(He's not dead BTW)


Another one with 'Our Phil' was when I took my then 17 yo Son to visit him (both guitar freaks) to cheer my lad up after he'd been dumped by his first girlfriend. I told our Phil not to mention it cos he's was very upset and emotional over it. We walk in and our Phil immediately announces 'Women Sean, fūck 'em...'

Cue son exiting house in tears.......

To our Phil, insensitive oaf......

[FatLazyContractor]

Mine was a bloody date with a lass who had a 10 year old son but hadn't updated that bit on her online profile. In some sort of context I told her that I hate fecking kids. Never heard from her again.

[FatLazyContractor]

I remember New Years eve in Blackpool once seeing a slim girl in a nice LBD sporting a bump.

I see why some people here think that you are a racist chav

[northernladuk]

Worst one I did was in the not-so-PC nineties - I was telling a very homophobic joke to one of the lads in the Health and Safety office when I suddenly realised his co-worker (also listening with baited breath for the punchline) on the next desk was the office gay (they were rare back then).

I had to do the 'ooh, I forgot the ending...' thing....

Did that back in the mid 80s but was a joke about disabled kids to a guy I found out had a disabled daughter. I though his reaction was a bit cool. Fair play to him for not kicking off

[NotAllThere]

I did once comment (as a contractor) that I'd never hire someone if I knew they didn't read books. One of my colleagues piped up that he hadn't read a book for years. oops

It was later pointed out to me by the manager that a) they wished they hadn't hired him and b) he was an external and wasn't having his contract renewed.

[northernladuk]

I remember New Years eve in Blackpool once seeing a slim girl in a nice LBD sporting a bump. Cue pissed guy sidling up and saying how nice she looked and how pregnancy can make a woman bloom. 3 second silence as she looked down, looked back at me... Then slapped me round the face....

[cojak]

Mine was taking about my contract and laughingly described it a 'in the land of the blind the one eyed man is King!', only to realise half way through this comment that one of the group had a glass eye...

[NotAllThere]

Worst one I did was in the not-so-PC nineties - I was telling a very homophobic joke to one of the lads in the Health and Safety office when I suddenly realised his co-worker (also listening with baited breath for the punchline) on the next desk was the office gay (they were rare back then).

I had to do the 'ooh, I forgot the ending...' thing....

In my first job in the 90's, the head of IT (Dave) was a gay man. A group of us went to the pub, and one of my colleagues (Rob) got the drink order in - "5 pints of best, 2 pints of lager ... and an orange juice? An orange juice? Who's having the pouff's drink?"

"That'll be mine," says Dave.

Cue Rob's mortification, everyone else falling about laughing.

[FatLazyContractor]

Worst one I did was in the not-so-PC nineties - I was telling a very homophobic joke to one of the lads in the Health and Safety office when I suddenly realised his co-worker (also listening with baited breath for the punchline) on the next desk was the office gay (they were rear backed then).

I had to do the 'ooh, I forgot the ending...' thing....