Reply to: Moan about elderly parents now

[psychocandy]

3p.m?

Dunno where the hospital is, but it was 7 til 8 weekdays and 2 til 4 & 7 til 8 on weekends in Neath Port Talbot.

After the first 6 months or so you get used to it.

I wander around Neath vaguely recognizing people, they turn out to be fellow visitors.

Royal Glamorgan it was.

He used to say "its ok I know you're working - leave it until 3PM. Cheers Dad. Was working in Bristol last time, so it was a trek.

[SueEllen]

Cheers all.

I reckon I do come across as a bit of a git towards him but he is a complete nightmare to be honest. I do all the sorting out for him (brother is complete bell-end always in the pub) <snip>

That's actually a blessing your bother is in the pub. Unless he's the type to do everything properly he would just get on your nerves by questioning every decision you make and doing things half heartedly.

[Sysman]

Switzerland is nice this time of year

It was pleasantly sunny this morning but it's been siling down this aft.

Not recommended at the moment.

Maybe next year?

[Sysman]

Nah its not that. As he gets older hes getting more and more selfish to be honest.

That's certainly what happened to my father.

It became me me me towards the end, sad to say.

[psychocandy]

The two things aren't mutually exclusive. If one's stressed out thinking one's likely to die every day, it can make it hard to realise how one's attitudes and behaviour are affecting other people, I would imagine.

It's a shame he reacted so badly to the children's gift though. If you can't get him to apologise, you'll have to find a way to explain to them why he was like that. Luckily, children tend to be a lot more understanding of such things than we expect them to be: most things adults do seem freaking idiotic to them

Not sure if it is this to be honest. Keeps going on about how hes done well been retired 22 years and how his own father died at 70 so hes done well. (Bit different though - he was a miner and died due to the 'dust' due to mining all those years).

Not worth mentioning to him. If I do he'll just get stressed hes upset anyone and then be telling me he cant sleep because hes worried about it etc and just do my head in. I dont think his behaviour is deliberate its just he does not think and has got so set in his ways in his old age.

[psychocandy]

Cheers all.

I reckon I do come across as a bit of a git towards him but he is a complete nightmare to be honest. I do all the sorting out for him (brother is complete bell-end always in the pub) which ain't a problem - all I ask in return is he listens to what I say, lets me deal with it, and doesn't kick off unreasonable because of some stupid idea hes got in his head.

The leaking ceiling thing a few weeks nearly made my head explode. Water was leaving from his shower into the kitchen. I phoned the housing association, sorted it all out for them to get builders/plumbers in to fix it (they were even paying 60% because he part-owns the flat). This was all during the say whilst working at client site. Spent ages doing it.

Then he kicks off and says hes stressed, cant cope with it all, and wants to leave it. FFS it ain't gonna stop leaking on his own. No matter how many times I tried to tell him he would be really stressed when the ceiling fell on his head he wouldn't have it. Took me ages in the end.

Of course, came back from hols, and it'd been done. One day, builders came, sorted decorated, job done, no hassle no mess. He was happy. So dear son was right then Dad?

The stairs thing too. FFS he can hardly walk up the stairs yet hes not willing to entertain thinking about the future. I can see it happening. He'll take a tumble and end up in hospital. Then he'll demand I'm there at 3pm every day to visit him (hospital is 40 miles from where I live) because hes 'stressed, lonely, and miserable stuck in hospital'. The fact that I've got a client to go to won't matter any more (this is from the guy who criticises me if I ever take a day off because "You lose money - if it was me I'd never take a day off, you must have more money than sense" - the rules will suddenly change).

I've got a 1 year old at home, and a wife who's been off work for two years and can hardly walk up the stairs herself. So not something I can do for too long.

Those who have been in a similar situation will realise how annoying it is when parents wont even think about things to try and avoid things like this.

[SueEllen]

Feck me, tell me about it.

I was convinced this morning that I'd forgotten to tax my Corolla at the beginning of the month.

Instant panic.

I eventually found the documents with a receipt from the Post Office.

The tax disc was sitting on the seat of the car where I'd put it.



Looks like the brain rot is setting in already.



What's that swiss phone number again?

I may need to make a booking.

They only take humans, the Blue Cross may sort you out if you are a bit broke.........

[MarillionFan]

Feck me, tell me about it.

I was convinced this morning that I'd forgotten to tax my Corolla at the beginning of the month.

Instant panic.

I eventually found the documents with a receipt from the Post Office.

The tax disc was sitting on the seat of the car where I'd put it.



Looks like the brain rot is setting in already.



What's that swiss phone number again?

I may need to make a booking.

You don't need a Swiss number you need a Luton number. Ask Suity Services to pop around and do some rewiring work for you and jobs a good'un.

[EternalOptimist]

If he doen't to live with the disruption while things are being done, cant you get him away for the duration ?
You could put him on a cruise ship for a week for a grand. a few days rate ?

[tractor]

..

He doesn't want to be reminded that he's 80. He's desperate to try and stop change and time because he really knows that every day is a day closer to death and is frightened of it.

He's not at peace with his own mortality.

HTH.

WCS. Exactly.

Having been through this, the best thing you can do is spend time with him, talking, fishing, lap dancing, whatever if he's up to it. At some point he may also come round to your way of thinking about the move - let it come from him though.

Went through this with my Mum a few years ago and I wish I had understood it then. Too late now.

[Churchill]

If I was the old fella Id have cut you out of the will by now. He still has his marbles and does not want to be reminded of how old he is and how little time he has left.

That's because you is a cantankerous old git and if you were my dad I'd've sent you to Dignitas years ago!

[MarillionFan]

If I was the old fella Id have cut you out of the will by now. He still has his marbles and does not want to be reminded of how old he is and how little time he has left.

[Churchill]

OP, your relationship with your father changes over time. Roles are swapped between father and son as you both get older.

Have a heart to heart before it's too late.

Ymmv.

[NotAllThere]

...His stupidity defies belief sometimes. ...

Perhaps it's an hereditary condition?`

[NickFitz]

He doesn't want to be reminded that he's 80. He's desperate to try and stop change and time because he really knows that every day is a day closer to death and is frightened of it.

He's not at peace with his own mortality.

HTH.

Nah its not that. As he gets older hes getting more and more selfish to be honest.

The two things aren't mutually exclusive. If one's stressed out thinking one's likely to die every day, it can make it hard to realise how one's attitudes and behaviour are affecting other people, I would imagine.

It's a shame he reacted so badly to the children's gift though. If you can't get him to apologise, you'll have to find a way to explain to them why he was like that. Luckily, children tend to be a lot more understanding of such things than we expect them to be: most things adults do seem freaking idiotic to them