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The football ignoramuses thread

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    #1

    The football ignoramuses thread

    Bearing in mind I know sod all about football - which is the way I like it - just so I can understand some of the threads on here I have some questions.

    1. Last time I looked (back when there was wrestling on at 4pm on a Saturday on ITV) there were four divisions in English football. These were cleverly numbered 1, 2, 3 and 4. I remember quite distinctly. I take it there has been some renaming?

    2. There's now a "Premier League". That'll be the old League Division 1, yes?

    3. Championship? is that something to do with that thing we used to call the FA Cup?

    4. The FA Cup got renamed to the Mug of Milk or some such. Does it still exist and what do you call it now (or is it the "Championship Cup"?)?

    5. So is League 1 what I knew as "League Division 2"?

    6. In League 2 there is a team called "Accrington Stanley". Has the 1st of April come round early or is that for real?

    7. The Bl Sq Prem = "Blue Square Premier". Is that something to do with Salt 'n' Shake crisps?

    8. I thought we were all skint in Britain. Just why are footballers paid so much?

    9. Where does all the money come from that is given to footballers? (It can't all be from 9 year old boys buying shirts, Shirley?)

    10. Why are footballers allowed to perform serious assaults against their colleagues when off duty and get away with it?

    11. Do Millwall fans still have "RETTUN" tattooed on their foreheads and beat the crap out of the opponent's fans?

    11. Do West Ham fans still go to matches in white coats armed with rolled-up newspapers as weapons and beat the crap out of the opponent's fans?

    12. Is there any significance any more in football teams having geographic names?

    13. What is the point of football?
    My all-time favourite Dilbert cartoon, this is: BTW, a Dumpster is a brand of skip, I think.
    Tags: None
    #2
    Originally posted by RichardCranium View Post
    Bearing in mind I know sod all about football - which is the way I like it - just so I can understand some of the threads on here I have some questions.

    1. Last time I looked (back when there was wrestling on at 4pm on a Saturday on ITV) there were four divisions in English football. These were cleverly numbered 1, 2, 3 and 4. I remember quite distinctly. I take it there has been some renaming?
    Yes, back in the early Nineties IIRC.

    Originally posted by RichardCranium View Post
    2. There's now a "Premier League". That'll be the old League Division 1, yes?
    Correct.

    Originally posted by RichardCranium View Post
    3. Championship? is that something to do with that thing we used to call the FA Cup?
    I'm not sure, but I think it may be something to do with the second, third and fourth divisions.

    Originally posted by RichardCranium View Post
    4. The FA Cup got renamed to the Mug of Milk or some such. Does it still exist and what do you call it now (or is it the "Championship Cup"?)?
    They seem to have lots of different things nowadays. I don't know if they still do the FA Cup, what they call it, or whether it has the significance it had back in the Sixties and before.

    Originally posted by RichardCranium View Post
    5. So is League 1 what I knew as "League Division 2"?
    I think so.

    Originally posted by RichardCranium View Post
    6. In League 2 there is a team called "Accrington Stanley". Has the 1st of April come round early or is that for real?
    It is indeed real, insofar as any modern football team can be said to be real.

    Originally posted by RichardCranium View Post
    7. The Bl Sq Prem = "Blue Square Premier". Is that something to do with Salt 'n' Shake crisps?
    I haven't got a clue.

    Originally posted by RichardCranium View Post
    8. I thought we were all skint in Britain. Just why are footballers paid so much?
    It's all to do with Rupert Murdoch and Sky Television.

    Originally posted by RichardCranium View Post
    9. Where does all the money come from that is given to footballers? (It can't all be from 9 year old boys buying shirts, Shirley?)
    Rupert Murdoch and Sky Television.

    Originally posted by RichardCranium View Post
    10. Why are footballers allowed to perform serious assaults against their colleagues when off duty and get away with it?
    Rupert Murdoch said it was OK.

    Originally posted by RichardCranium View Post
    11. Do Millwall fans still have "RETTUN" tattooed on their foreheads and beat the crap out of the opponent's fans?
    I don't know, but I would imagine so.

    Originally posted by RichardCranium View Post
    11. Do West Ham fans still go to matches in white coats armed with rolled-up newspapers as weapons and beat the crap out of the opponent's fans?
    I don't know, but I would imagine so.

    Originally posted by RichardCranium View Post
    12. Is there any significance any more in football teams having geographic names?
    None whatsoever. Wasn't there one from London that moved to Milton Keynes a while back?

    Originally posted by RichardCranium View Post
    13. What is the point of football?
    There isn't one, other than distracting people from whatever The Powers That Be are up to by giving them something meaningless to occupy their minds. Sort of like religion in the days when people believed in God.

    Comment

      #3
      Soccer was never a great interest of mine but here goes,

      Originally posted by RichardCranium View Post
      Bearing in mind I know sod all about football - which is the way I like it - just so I can understand some of the threads on here I have some questions.

      1. Last time I looked (back when there was wrestling on at 4pm on a Saturday on ITV) there were four divisions in English football. These were cleverly numbered 1, 2, 3 and 4. I remember quite distinctly. I take it there has been some renaming?
      There has. I think it took place in two stages.
      2. There's now a "Premier League". That'll be the old League Division 1, yes?
      Yes, this was the first stage of the renaming. Division 2 was then renamed Division 1, Division 3 renamed Division 2 and Division 4 renamed Division 3 and there was then no Division 4.
      3. Championship? is that something to do with that thing we used to call the FA Cup?
      During the second renaming Division 1 (that used to be Division 2) was renamed the Championship. Division 2 (that used to be Division 3) then became Division 1 and Division 3 (that used to be Division 4) then became Division 2.
      4. The FA Cup got renamed to the Mug of Milk or some such. Does it still exist and what do you call it now (or is it the "Championship Cup"?)?
      The FA Cup is still the FA Cup as far as I know.

      5. So is League 1 what I knew as "League Division 2"?
      No. Division 1 is what used to be Division 3.
      6. In League 2 there is a team called "Accrington Stanley". Has the 1st of April come round early or is that for real?
      I think it is for real.

      7. The Bl Sq Prem = "Blue Square Premier". Is that something to do with Salt 'n' Shake crisps?
      This is what used to be the Vauxhall Conference.

      8. I thought we were all skint in Britain. Just why are footballers paid so much?
      SKY TV.

      9. Where does all the money come from that is given to footballers? (It can't all be from 9 year old boys buying shirts, Shirley?)
      SKY TV.

      10. Why are footballers allowed to perform serious assaults against their colleagues when off duty and get away with it?
      I don't think they are.

      11. Do Millwall fans still have "RETTUN" tattooed on their foreheads and beat the crap out of the opponent's fans?
      Probably. See news story from last week. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/e...on/8221451.stm

      11. Do West Ham fans still go to matches in white coats armed with rolled-up newspapers as weapons and beat the crap out of the opponent's fans?
      Probably (see answer to previous question).

      12. Is there any significance any more in football teams having geographic names?
      They still have to have a "home" ground.

      13. What is the point of football?
      It keeps the proles busy.

      hth

      Comment

        #4
        Bearing in mind I know sod all about football - which is the way I like it - just so I can understand some of the threads on here I have some questions.
        Couldn't agree with you more.

        Comment

          #5
          Football?

          Isn't that something that the peasants (Chavs) play or watch?
          Confusion is a natural state of being

          Comment

            #6
            Originally posted by Diver View Post
            Football?

            Isn't that something that the peasants (Chavs) play or watch?
            Yup, aka "oikball"

            Comment

              #7
              No RC. All you need to know is how to recognise a reverse pike with twist. As in - player (usually Portuguese) is in the penalty box, another player approaches with a view to making a tackle, player one hits the grass as if he has been shot in the back, rolls around in agony until penalty is awarded.

              God it's so simple!
              +50 Xeno Geek Points
              Come back Toolpusher, scotspine, Voodooflux. Pogle
              As for the rest of you - DILLIGAF
              Purveyor of fine quality smut since 2005

              CUK Olympic University Challenge Champions 2010/2012

              Comment

                #8
                Regarding question 4 and the Mug of Milk, I am told "For sponsorship reasons the English Football League Cup was also named "Milk Cup" between 1982 and 1986."

                Originally posted by Gonzo View Post
                7. The Bl Sq Prem = "Blue Square Premier". Is that something to do with Salt 'n' Shake crisps?
                This is what used to be the Vauxhall Conference.
                14. What sort of name is that?

                Originally posted by Gonzo View Post
                Probably. See news story from last week. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/e...on/8221451.stm
                Oh it is so nice to see the old standards being maintained.
                My all-time favourite Dilbert cartoon, this is: BTW, a Dumpster is a brand of skip, I think.

                Comment

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