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    ding!

    that's my working week done.

    i'm outta here!

    Comment


      Upset P.M. Gordon Brown Finds Downing Street Home Empty of Essentials

      In a move that reminded political historians of the evacuation of the White House by Jimmy Carter, Gordon Brown entered the Prime Minister's residence on Downing Street to find it empty.

      "I had to answer a call of nature when I first arrived, so went immediately to that part of the house. When I got in, there was no light bulb. I managed to use a little one I had on my keys and discovered that there was no paper. I managed with a kerchief and went to wash, but found there was not soap!"

      When Jimmy Carter left the White House in the mid 70's, the Reagans said that all of the china and silver went missing. The Carters, however, did leave behind several empty buckets from the Colonel and a drawer full of salt and ketchup packets. The Blairs didn't even leave the paper plates and plasticware!

      "Our first night in our new home, and we have to send out for pizza and have to tell them to send extra napkins! I have to make special trips to the store for basic needs! How utterly low class!"

      When asked to respond to the allegations that he took the toilet paper, the light bulbs, and other household items, Blair said "What? He didn't think I'd have to go too? I held his hand for years in the cabinet. Do I have to wipe his arse now?"
      I don't know my arse from an hole in the ground

      Comment


        Originally posted by Clownio
        Upset P.M. Gordon Brown Finds Downing Street Home Empty of Essentials
        ...
        The Carters, however, did leave behind several empty buckets from the Colonel and a drawer full of salt and ketchup packets. The Blairs didn't even leave the paper plates and plasticware!
        ...
        How surreal - I did almost exactly this last time I moved house. Does everyone do this then? Why?

        Comment


          Originally posted by zeitghost
          This idea may have legs... a cunning plan for world domination... beach management degrees on top of Meeja Studies...
          Can you breathe underwater? You could eat the surfers' knees...

          Comment


            Originally posted by zeitghost
            I suppose it may have worked at some time, but I don't think I'll hold my breath waiting for it to work again...
            So you can breathe underwater, at least for a bit?

            Comment


              Originally posted by zeitghost
              I've tried superglueing the axles to the wheels, but the gears in the gear box slip instead...
              Don't you just HATE it when that happens.
              I don't know my arse from an hole in the ground

              Comment


                Originally posted by zeitghost
                How many more to 10k?

                Ermmm -60
                I don't know my arse from an hole in the ground

                Comment


                  Originally posted by zeitghost
                  Not that insignificant count... my 10k...

                  Oh !
                  I don't know my arse from an hole in the ground

                  Comment


                    I

                    I.B.M. abbr. Itty bitty meat. A small penis.

                    Iggy Pop shot n. To "whack off over a TV's ass because it would be a pity to waste it".

                    Imperial barge n. A particularly majestic skin boat. "You should have seen how Mrs. Eisenhower's eyes lit up when my 9-inch Imperialbarge heaved into view." (from The Memoirs of Winston Churchill').

                    Irish shave n. A dump.

                    Irish toothache n. An erection; bone. As in: "Is that a gun in your pocket, or have you just got Irish toothache?"

                    I say! Interj. Expression of joy upon seeing an attractive woman. Attr. Terry Thomas.

                    I.R.S. abbr. Itchy Ring Syndrome. Irritating anal affliction caused by insufficient wiping of the chocolate starfish (qv), or inflammation of the farmers (qv).
                    I don't know my arse from an hole in the ground

                    Comment


                      J

                      Jacky Danny rhym. slang. James Hunt (qv)

                      jack off v. To choke the chicken (qv); jerkin' the gherkin.

                      jacked up adj. To be celibate whilst suffering from a venereal disease.

                      James Hunt rhym. slang. Jacky Danny (qv).

                      Japanese flag n. The appearance of the arsehole the morning after a vindaloo curry. As in: "Christ almighty! I think I'm sitting on a Japanese flag".

                      Jap's eye n. Male urethral opening; hogs eye (qv).

                      J. Arthur rhym. slang Masturbation. From J. Arthur Rank -w@nk. For example, while watching blue movies Jonathan Ross might say: "Phwwoar! What I weally want wight now is a quick J. Arthur".

                      jazz mag n. A printed volume of pornographic material; a journal of gentleman's interest.

                      jazz talc n. Bolivian marching powder; showbiz sherbet, Keith Richards' dandruff.

                      jelly jewellery n. The earrings, nose-studs, fancy spectacles and other facial adornments a lucky lady receives when her partner had intended to give her pearl necklace.

                      jelly water mangoes euph. Large knockers; gazungas.

                      Jemima suit n. A tight fitting costume worn by fetishists with strategically positioned openings over the erogenous zones.

                      Jenny US n. Fadge; minge.

                      jeweller n. A gifted manufacturer of jelly jewellery (qv) and pearl necklaces.

                      Jimmy Riddle rhyming slang Vicar friendly term for a piddle.

                      jism n. Semen. Also gism.

                      jittler n. Helmet cheese.

                      jizz abbr. Jism v. To ejaculate.

                      jizzbags n. The scrotum; John Wayne's hairy saddlebags.

                      jizzhole n, See Spunk Bucket

                      jizz bolt euph. A glob of ejaculate that leaves the hog's eye with enough force to put the television screen through.

                      job n. A Richard (qv).

                      jobby Scotch variation Job.

                      jobby jouster n. A lunchbox lancer who jousts with another man's jobs.

                      Jodrell rhym. slang J. Arthur (qv). From Jodrell Bank, the Knuts...fnarr fnarr! (qv) ... ford space research laboratory.

                      johnny jibber n. To lose wood upon opening the flunkey (qv). Premature ejaculation and johnny jibber are thought to affect 1 in 4 males at some time in their life.

                      John Thomas n. The pet name by which Lady Chatterley's lover (on the level gardener Mellor) famously referred to his pink hoe, in the famous saucy book.

                      John Waynes euph. To walk like Mrs. Thatcher, ie. a gait adopted after giving birth to Meatloaf's daughter (qv). Makes the walker look like they've been sitting on a horse for three days.

                      jollup n. A dollop of jizz.

                      joombye (joom-bee) Scotch n. jism.

                      joskin, joskyn n. A yokel; a country bumpkin; a sheep shagger.

                      jubblies n. Breasts; pink pouffes.

                      jug-jousting v. See bunny rub.

                      jugs euph. Bosoms. As in: 'Pardon me madam, I was just admiring your lovely pair of jugs"
                      I don't know my arse from an hole in the ground

                      Comment

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