'Armageddon'

[Clownio]

In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only
trying to retrieve the gerbil," Vito Bustone told bemused doctors in the
Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital.

Bustone, and his homosexual partner Kiki Rodriguez, had been admitted for
emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. "I
pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Faggot, our gerbil,
in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon', my cue that
he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Faggot but he wouldn't come out
again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light
might attract him."

At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what
happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame
shot up the tube, igniting Mr Bustone's moustache and severely burning
his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which in
turn, ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling
the rodent out like a cannonball."

Bustone suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of
the gerbil, while Rodriguez suffered first and second degree burns to his
anus and lower intestinal tract. Sheriff Hugo Root later told reporters:
"It's Faggot I feel sorry for. Being stuffed up some queen's tradesman's
entrance.

[xoggoth]

I never believe these tales. If you trap them in a small place, and usually even if you don't, the first thing any rodent will do is start gnawing. Have you seen a hamster or gerbil yawn? Sabre tooth tiger had nothing on them.

PS Rather than stuffing hamsters up one's bottom it would be much more fun to crawl up a hamster's bottom. I always like a challenge.

[cojak]

It's better listened to than read...