Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

Hold it firmly in your hand, put it in your mouth, lick it, straighten it and put it in the hole.

It’s time to sew the labels in the kids shirts again

[vetran]

Saw a post from a friend on Facebook the other day. "just finished a half marathon, so proud of myself".

That's nothing special, I had a king size Mars bar the other day.

[vetran]

My wife told me I need to get in touch with my feminine side.

So I stopped talking to her for 3 days and whenever she asked me what was wrong I said "nothing it doesnt matter" and then I went out and crashed the car

[vetran]

Most women are "bi".

The trick is to work out if that ends with "Sexual", or "Polar" before you ask them out.

[vetran]

This week is "International Clitoris Awareness Week."

Like most men, I was unaware this week even existed...

[NotAllThere]

How many anti-vaxxers does it take to change a light bulb?

Despite what Big Bulb tells you, humans can see perfectly well without "light".

Or...

None. I'll rely on my natural bioluminescence.

[vetran]

My wife has just had a huge dildo delivered in a plain brown envelope.

I’ve called it her “Thriller in Manila”

[vetran]

The very short dwarf knocked on my door about the position I advertised and asked what I wanted him to do.
"Stand by my piano and keep time," I said,

"My instructor said I need to get a metre gnome."

[vetran]

Santa Claus was asked if he wants to be buried when he dies.

No , he said , he'd sooner go up the chimney.

[vetran]

The sign said, "No shirt, no shoes, no service."

So I stopped going to church in swimwear.