Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

When I applied for shift work, I didn't realise the "F" was silent.

[vetran]

I knocked on the door to attend a heating breakdown and a barely dressed blonde answered the door, massive tits dropping out of her unfastened negligee and the shaped of her neatly trimmed bush gaping for me to see,


"Is your husband in miss? " I asked,


"What do you think? will I not do?" She answered,


"Err, no, not really, I need the car reversing out of your drive so I can get my van in. " I replied.

[vetran]

Microsoft have released a festive advent calendar this Christmas.


No chocolates just a load of flaming updates every time you open your windows.

[vetran]

Remember the old days when we used to eat cake after someone blew all over it?


Man, we were wild...

[vetran]

If I stood outside Barclays for a week, would it count as a bank holiday?

[NotAllThere]

I'm glad no one is telling Covid-19 jokes. That would just be tasteless.

[vetran]

too true

Do you know how weird it is being the same age as old people?

[vetran]

Melania: "Donald. It's Christmas. Would you like to pull a cracker?"


Donald: "No way. Last time I did that, I had to pay her $130,000 hush money."

[vetran]

Five Guys has been bought by a new politically correct American corporation. As of January 1, it will be known as Three White Guys, One Woman, And One Trans-Person Of Color.

[vetran]

“Two used life jackets and a half inflated dinghy! What kind of Christmas present is that?”


It was at that point I realised she wanted me to get her something from Chanel.