I went to my local s ex shop last night to get a new blow-up doll. As I was looking at them the clerk came up to me and asked if I needed help? I said yes and he asked if I wanted a male or female? I said a female and he asked blonde or brunette? I said blonde. Then he asked Mu sli m or Christian? I asked what's the difference? He said the M usli m blows itself up.
- Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
- Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!
Please put more jokes here
Collapse
X
Collapse
-
-
Some eclipse ones
Me and the wife were having sex while watching the total eclipse on TV.
The Sun , the Moon , and the Earth all moved.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
-
We watched with shock and awe as the massive round form slowly moved forward and blotted out the sun, casting everything into complete darkness.
But then we asked MF to stand back so we could try and watch the eclipse.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
-
So that's it then, this one in 2017 and now the next is not until 2024.
Still though, a blow job from the wife is always welcome.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
-
I fully support Gay Marriages.
They have every right to be as miserable as the rest of us.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
-
"Why are you painting number 34 on our bin when we live at number two?" asked my wife.
"It's so the ******* binmen will leave it near our house when they've emptied it, " I replied.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
-
Comment
-
There's a new magazine for gay military members.
It's mainly just photos of Privates.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
-
A very strange thing happened last night.
There I was in the kitchen, having stripped the carburetor on the work surface and de-greasing some other parts from my motorbike in the sink, when my wife came home, looked at me in a very peculiar way, then, for no reason whatsoever her mood ring just exploded?Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
-
A new study found our happiness peaks in our late 80s ...
That's because all the people who pissed you off are now dead.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
- Home
- News & Features
- First Timers
- IR35 / S660 / BN66
- Employee Benefit Trusts
- Agency Workers Regulations
- MSC Legislation
- Limited Companies
- Dividends
- Umbrella Company
- VAT / Flat Rate VAT
- Job News & Guides
- Money News & Guides
- Guide to Contracts
- Successful Contracting
- Contracting Overseas
- Contractor Calculators
- MVL
- Contractor Expenses
Advertisers
Contractor Services
CUK News
- Streamline Your Retirement with iSIPP: A Solution for Contractor Pensions Sep 1 09:13
- Making the most of pension lump sums: overview for contractors Sep 1 08:36
- Umbrella company tribunal cases are opening up; are your wages subject to unlawful deductions, too? Aug 31 08:38
- Contractors, relabelling 'labour' as 'services' to appear 'fully contracted out' won't dupe IR35 inspectors Aug 31 08:30
- How often does HMRC check tax returns? Aug 30 08:27
- Work-life balance as an IT contractor: 5 top tips from a tech recruiter Aug 30 08:20
- Autumn Statement 2023 tipped to prioritise mental health, in a boost for UK workplaces Aug 29 08:33
- Final reminder for contractors to respond to the umbrella consultation (closing today) Aug 29 08:09
- Top 5 most in demand cyber security contract roles Aug 25 08:38
- Changes to the right to request flexible working are incoming, but how will contractors be affected? Aug 24 08:25
Comment