Please put more jokes here

[WTFH]

An Englishman, a Frenchman a Spaniard and a German were watching a juggler perform out on the street.
The juggler was concerned that they had a poor view of him, so he stood up on a box and said "Can you all see me now?"
They replied:
"Yes'
"Oui'
"Si'
"Ja"

[WTFH]

A friend of mine came home to find he had been burgled, someone had broken in to his house and taken all the lamps.
I asked him how he felt.
He said he was delighted.

[WTFH]

I asked BrilloPad if he had ever played Forza Horizon 3 on the Xbox. He said he didn't have an Xbox and couldn't afford one.

I told him to find a box, start dating it for a few weeks. The box will leave him and then he'll have an Xbox.

[shaunbhoy]

Ronseal 5 Year Woodstain does exactly what it says on the tin, does it?
Funny that.
I've looked all over the label and nowhere does it say 'Makes your front door look like an African elephant has wiped its bloody arse on it.'

[shaunbhoy]

"Take it with a pinch of salt," my dad always used to say.
Lovely man.
Made horrible tea.

[mudskipper]

If a quiz is quizzical, what is a test?

[BrilloPad]

A policeman drew a polyhedron on my photo-card
I can't believe it - six points on my licence

Don't blame me, blame WTFH http://forums.contractoruk.com/gener...ml#post2458697

[vetran]

What do you call a video of pedestrians?
Footage!

[vetran]

A guy goes and visits his sick friend in hospital. On the first night during visiting, the friend is served Haggis, neeps and tatties for dinner.

The next night he visits again and during visiting his friend is served haggis neeps and tatties.

On his third visit the following evening the friend is served haggis neeps and tatties again.

On his way out the guy stops the nurse and says "I'm a bit concerned about the lack of variety in the meals you serve here", to which the nurse replied "what did you expect, this is the Burns unit"

[shaunbhoy]

Everyone told me not to handle glue before going to the firing range, but I'm sticking to my guns.