Please put more jokes here

[shaunbhoy]

[INTERVIEW]
-Any weaknesses?
-I sometimes make duck noises when I'm really relaxed.
-OK. And strengths?
-I never quack under pressure.

[shaunbhoy]

My kids have been throwing Scrabble tiles at each other again.
It's all fun and games until someone loses an i......

[vetran]

After our child was born, I turned to the doctor and said with a wink: "Stick a couple of stitches in for me would you."

"It shouldn't be a problem sir, it was a cesarean birth" he said.

I said, "I meant in her mouth, otherwise I'll never hear the end of it."

[vetran]

Failed another Job Interview today...

Apparently taking part in an orgy isn't proof that I can effectively work as part of a team.

[vetran]

Hollywood are going to make an action movie about the great composers.
Slyvester Stallone said "I'll be Beethoven".
Bruce Willis said "I'll be Mozart". and Arnold Schwarzenneger said "I'll be Bach".

[vetran]

Women may be able to fake orgasms.

But men can fake a whole relationship.

[vetran]

I met a beautiful young woman at a nightclub, we were getting on very well when she said she had something to show me.

She removed her wig and she was totally bald.

''It's alopecia,'' she said ''but if you still like me you can ask me anything''.

Well, I have always wanted to know, so I asked her straight.

''Does your condition make you bald in other places?''

She whispered in my ear ''There's only one way to find out.''

"Of course." I thought. "What an idiot, forgetting about Google at a time like this."

[vetran]

"Formed in 1977 in Coventry, England, they are an English 2 Tone ska revival band whose music combines a steady rock beat with punk attitude. Jerry Dammers and his bandmates achieved fame and notoriety with classics like 'Ghost Town' and 'Too Much Too Young".

"Well, that's true", I said to the waiter. "But it's not what I meant when I asked you to tell me about the specials".

[vetran]

"This is a clear case of double vision, are you sure you don't want glasses?", the optician said.
"Nah, it's the best thing ever. Since this happened, me and the missus are having threesomes every night"

[WTFH]

I took a bus home last night.

She prefers being called big-boned.