Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

When we first got married, we only had a 14" portable TV. Years down the line, we finally upgraded. "In a lot of ways" I said to the wife, "This new TV is a lot like you."

"All shiny and new?" She giggled.


"No" I laughed. "Bigger and I don't want to watch when you've nothing on."

[vetran]

one for NF

I have just landed a job in an Insomniacs Advice Centre.

We are open from 9 til 5 , weeknights.

[vetran]

My wife is so ugly, that when she cooks she makes the onions cry.

[vetran]

My blonde wife went down to the local supermarket,
She said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it,"
The manager replied, "Those are pickled onions miss."

[vetran]

Elton John hospitalised by potentially deadly infection.

Don't worry Saturday night it'll be alright.

[vetran]

What's the difference between Elton John and Hillary Clinton?
He's still standing; she's still lying.

[shaunbhoy]

RECREATE the joy of having a teenage son by moving an orang-utan into your house & teaching it to play ‘Call of Duty’.

[shaunbhoy]

My boss keeps trying to say "You are a real asset" but he runs out of breath before the last syllable.

[shaunbhoy]

My wife just missed her train this morning... Bloody tied her to the wrong track...

[shaunbhoy]

Apparently "everyone" thinks I'm a nerd.
Bet they didn't even use a statistically significant sample group, weighted for demographic bias.

HTH BISDI

sasguru