Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

The judge : " A woman shot her husband beacuse he stepped on her freshly mopped floor ..."
Police guy : " That is correct ! "
"And it took you 20 minutes to aresst her ? why ? "

" The floor was stiil wet " replied the police guy

[vetran]

What does a bloke with a 12" c0ck have for breakfast

This morning I had eggs and bacon yesterday I had cornflakes

[vetran]

Jeff Wayne couldn't believe it when he came home one evening to find his wife bringing herself to orgasm with a chocolate bar.
"The chances of anyone coming from Mars, are a million to one!" he said.

[vetran]

After so many years of marriage, it is amazing the fantastic shape my wife is still in.

A perfect circle.

[vetran]

Teacher: "Can you use the word 'suppositories' in a sentence?"

Little Johnny: "Yes, Miss. Suppositories win the election again, that's us all fscked."

[vetran]

Before booking my first flight from America to the UK, I always wondered how obvious it would be to the locals that I was not from there.

After five minutes in Bradford, I found that being white and speaking English are dead giveaways.

[vetran]

I think my wife's golf driving lessons are starting to pay off.

She managed to pull the car on the driveway 2 over par earlier.

[vetran]

One for PC's shoulder

I was halfway through a superb wank earlier and thought "I shouldn't be doing this".
The woman on checkout 4 agreed.

[vetran]

PC is busy today

Having a wank is the equivalent of walking 200 steps

If you don't believe me check my Fitbit

[vetran]

Mohammed never actually specified that the 72 virgins would be women.