Please put more jokes here

[LondonManc]

I read in the local news today that a dwarf was pickpocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low?

[flamel]

Got caught having a piss in the local swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud I nearly fell in.

[BrilloPad]

I went on a blind date with a girl called similie.

I don't know what I met-er-phor.

[WTFH]

VIZ Top Tip...

SELF EMPLOYED. Save time and avoid paying any future tax, by simply writing "It's a private matter" on your tax return form

[LondonManc]

Losing your wife can be hard.
But if you really try, you might manage it one day.

[flamel]

After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the missus were going to commit suicide together yesterday.
Strangely enough, however, once she had done it I started to feel a lot better.
So I thought - sod it, I'll soldier on.

[WTFH]

So the postman just delivered a letter from HMRC. It simply said "Lube Up".

Is that one of those Advanced Pain Notification everyone's been talking about?

[LondonManc]

I went to a charity pantomime in aid of paranoid homosexuals last night. It was going really well until someone shouted "he's behind you!"

[WTFH]

Words can't describe how beautiful you are...

But numbers can.




2/10.

[LondonManc]

I went out for a romantic meal with the wife the other night and we played footsie under the table. I had steak and she got toed in the hole.