Please put more jokes here

[WTFH]

My mate's wife has just left him and the police have hauled him in for questioning all because of his Facebook status.
What he meant to say was that he had blown the cylinder head gasket on his 2001 XR3i.
What he actually said was "I've just buggered my 15 year old escort"

[flamel]

I woke up this morning at 8 and could sense something was wrong.
I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do.
Then I remembered – the local cafe serves breakfast until 11.30.

[flamel]

I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.
Or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.

[SimonMac]

Spiders are the only Web Developers who are happy to find bugs

[tarbera]

My playmate accused me of being kinky the other night. I was so shocked I spat her piss out

[BrilloPad]

A UK businessman visits Japan on a business trip. He gets a brass for the night. While having sex, she keeps shouting "pusarda". Assuming this is a Japanese compliment, he gets very excited.

The following day he is on the golf course with his Japan business contact. The contact gets a hole in one. To compliment him, he says to the contact "pusarda". The contact says "what do you mean wrong hole".

[WTFH]

I resemble that remark!

[WTFH]

I was reading that Armitage Shanks has been broken in to. Thieves got away with several urinals.

Not sure if it's true or they were just taking the piss.

[WTFH]

If you think that's bad, McVities was broken into. I mean that's just taking the biscuit.

[WTFH]

A joke is like a frog... When you dissect it, it dies.

Get it?
Just like a frog dies when you dissect it, so does a joke when you explain it. Basically, the frog is used as an analogy, to help people understand that jokes shouldn't be explained, because the joke will die, or more specifically, become unfunny. So, just like when a frog dies when you dissect it, so does a joke when you dissect, or explain it.