"I want it now against this wall!" she ordered, "And keep it up as long as possible."
"Don't worry," I said, "I know how to put up a shelf."
"Don't worry," I said, "I know how to put up a shelf."
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Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. -
Came home to find my missus stood in the hall wearing riding boots and holding a whip.
"Oh great," I thought. "Where the **** are we going to keep a horse?"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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Paula Radcliffe took drugs......!
Are they taking the piss ?Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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After seven years of research I can confirm that masturbating to porn leads to an unrealistic perception of women.
I discovered that in the first afternoon, but it's best to be sure.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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Bit of politics
200 ISIS jihadists are walking through the desert heading towards Syria.
"I'm not looking forward to this," said Abdul
"Why not?" asked Muhammad
"Those Syrians, they're an aggressive lot. And there's millions of them! They'll risk their lives and stop at nothing to get what they want! Got a bad feeling about this. We must be insane going against that lot, they're like the perfect fighting machine!"
"Dont worry!" laughed Muhammad. "Haven't you heard? Europe is giving away free money, homes, clothes, food etcetera! They've all ****ed off to Europe!"
"Phew!" said Abdul. "I was getting worried. Hey, Wait a minute... Why are we going to Syria then?"
"To buy a dinghy!"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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I've just participated in a hardcore masturbation competition where you have to use superglue as lubricant.
I didn't win but they made sure I didn't go home empty handed.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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I was chewing my food very loudly during dinner tonight.
Angered, MF said, "Can you keep that down?"
I replied, "I'll try, but your face is making it difficult."Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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After the successful drone strike on two ISIS members, David Cameron has promised to wipe out more of Britain's traitors in the next few days.
He's currently trying to decide who to target first out of the BBC, the Guardian, and the Labour party.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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The infamous drug lord Pablo Escobar, whilst on the run, once lit a fire fuelled using £1.2million in Dollar bills to prepare food.
.....well, it was cheaper than cooking with gas from npower.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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To stop these council house knobs moaning about the bedroom tax, David Cameron has called for all extra charges to be dropped and they can have a Syrian family or two to live in the spare bedroomAlways forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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