Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

for MF

I missed my weekly 'Liars Anonymous' meeting last night.

I was having a threesome with Beyoncé and Katy Perry at the time.

[vetran]

The word "mood swing" is misleading. It sounds like it's swinging and we don't know what mood it's gonna hit.

If your wife calls you and says she's having mood swings, don't expect to walk through the door to find her naked cooking brownies.

[vetran]

My nine year old daughter asked me to read her a fairy tale.
So I did.
It was called the Holy Bible.

[vetran]

When Dr Jekyll takes his magic potion, he becomes Mr Hyde.

So remember kids, taking drugs can get you stripped of your medical licence.

[vetran]

For Brillo

Women are like pianos,when theyre not upright theyre grand

[vetran]

I'm not saying my wife is fat,but she thinks 'intercourse' is what she usually enjoys between meals.

[vetran]

I just bought an Islamic sex doll.

I'm not looking forward to blowing her up.

[vetran]

I spilled a bottle of Ritalin in my Ford Fiesta. Now it's a Ford Focus.

[vetran]

for MS

Sure Burger King advertise that you can "have it your way" but as soon as you ask them for a Big Mac they get all pissy.

[vetran]

Folakemi stood in the doorway, soaking wet and dripping on the doormat. Her father couldn't help but chuckle.

"The weather here in Norfolk is very different to that in Nigeria but at least we are not persecuted and treated without respect by primitive masses," he said cheerfully.

Folakemi sighed.

"It's bright sunshine, dad. The locals are still licking me to see if I'm made of chocolate."