Please put more jokes here

[BrilloPad]

I used to be addicted to doing the hokey cokey.

But then I turned myself around.

[vetran]

I've just stocked my fridge with beers for the World Cup, customised for each match.

I've got San Miguel for when Spain are playing, because it's Spanish; Beck's for when Germany are playing, because it's German; and Carling for when England are playing, because it's tulip.

[vetran]

I see that in the US they're complaining about halal meat. They want their meat to be killed the American way... but, honestly, what are the chances of a cow enrolling in high school and being shot by a classmate?

[vetran]

I just cant get excited about a sporting event where a government have spent millions funding it yet people live in squalor and deprivation. Where drugs are rife and life expectation is very low.

But enough of the Commonwealth Games in Glasgow, the World Cup starts tonight.

[vetran]

On average, British couples have sex two to three times a week, whereas Japanese couples have sex only one to three times a month.

This is upsetting news as I had no idea I was Japanese.

[vetran]

Brazil have issued a warning to the UK about the illegal exporting of British pigs into their country due to swine flu.

The UK has sanctioned the return of Coleen Rooney immediately.

[vetran]

The World Cup hosts are like my wife's fanny waxing.

Brazilian and nowhere near as good as I hoped.

[vetran]

My girlfriend thinks my company's doing so well I'm buying her a boat tomorrow.

Not sure she's grasped what going into receivership means

[vetran]

Vajazzle: a diamond in the muff.

[vetran]

Wayne Rooney hasn't scored in Brazil.

Either he doesn't carry cash or they're too young for him