Management is when ten people are paid for what five could do more cheaply if there were only three of them and two of those were off sick.
- Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
- Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!
Please put more jokes here
Collapse
X
Collapse
-
-
Any black people on the streets of Tottenham tonight are dyslexic and dangerous
They're the ones who read that there was a gathering for Dark Muggin'.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
-
Breaking News - Hundreds of supporters of Mark Duggans family have gathered in Tottenham for a local shop lit vigil.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
-
Ariel Sharon, former Israeli Prime Minister, dead at 85.
He is survived by his brothers, Helvetica and Comic Sans.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
-
Someone phoned the vet's surgery and said they had a constipated alligator.
"That's a crock of tulip." I told them, before hanging up.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
-
The women in my family have always kept their surnames after getting married.
They're not feminists, just from Norfolk.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
-
A woman with a clipboard stopped me and asked if I'd participate in a survey.
"This country's going to the dogs," I ranted. "Bloody immigrants! Poles, blacks, bloody Chinese, and now Bulgarians. Do you know there's eighteen different languages spoken in my daughter's school. There's one kid from Moldova. I mean, where the ****'s Moldova? It's not on you know. Something's got to change."
"Okay...well..back to the survey," she said. "Can you believe it's not butter?"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
-
What do necrophiliacs have before sex?
GoreplayAlways forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
-
God is definitely a woman.
Otherwise tits would have beer in them.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
-
I've just been told that I'm going to have to spend some time at Her Majesty's pleasure.
I hate shopping with the wife.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
Partners
- Home
- News & Features
- First Timers
- IR35 / S660 / BN66
- Employee Benefit Trusts
- Agency Workers Regulations
- MSC Legislation
- Limited Companies
- Dividends
- Umbrella Company
- VAT / Flat Rate VAT
- Job News & Guides
- Money News & Guides
- Guide to Contracts
- Successful Contracting
- Contracting Overseas
- Contractor Calculators
- MVL
- Contractor Expenses
Advertisers
Contractor Services
CUK News
- Streamline Your Retirement with iSIPP: A Solution for Contractor Pensions Sep 1 09:13
- Making the most of pension lump sums: overview for contractors Sep 1 08:36
- Umbrella company tribunal cases are opening up; are your wages subject to unlawful deductions, too? Aug 31 08:38
- Contractors, relabelling 'labour' as 'services' to appear 'fully contracted out' won't dupe IR35 inspectors Aug 31 08:30
- How often does HMRC check tax returns? Aug 30 08:27
- Work-life balance as an IT contractor: 5 top tips from a tech recruiter Aug 30 08:20
- Autumn Statement 2023 tipped to prioritise mental health, in a boost for UK workplaces Aug 29 08:33
- Final reminder for contractors to respond to the umbrella consultation (closing today) Aug 29 08:09
- Top 5 most in demand cyber security contract roles Aug 25 08:38
- Changes to the right to request flexible working are incoming, but how will contractors be affected? Aug 24 08:25
Comment