I hadn't seen my wife in ten years, so I tried to have her declared legally dead, but they told me to **** off, and take my guide dog with me.
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Please put more jokes here
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I said to my mate, "I think I'm in with the blonde at the bar. I've just asked her for a ****, and she said when hell freezes over."
He said, "That doesn't sound too positive."
I said, "At least she didn't say when Nelson Mandela dies."Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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Had a charity worker knock on my door tonight collecting old clothes to send to Africa! I said if they fit in my clothes there not really starving are theyOriginally posted by Stevie Wonder BoyI can't see any way to do it can you please advise?
I want my account deleted and all of my information removed, I want to invoke my right to be forgotten.Comment
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Originally posted by SimonMac View PostHad a charity worker knock on my door tonight collecting old clothes to send to Africa! I said if they fit in my clothes there not really starving are theyComment
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Mitch Would!
"There's a salesman at the door with two young blonde women," Said my wife this morning.
"Excellent!" I said, "Tell him I'll have one."Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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Cooking instructions these days are addressed so politely...
"To microwave, from frozen".Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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According to research, fathers with smaller testicles are more likely to bath, feed and change the nappies of their children.
Which proves that it should be left to the mothers in the first place.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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As my massive wife waddled out of the changing room to show me her fourth change of clothes, she burst into tears.
"You've not liked anything I've tried on." She sobbed. "You've shook your head at every outfit."
"I wasn't saying no though." I assured her,
"Just trying to see all of you."Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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I was talking to my mate. "Since I grew a beard the wife's taken to calling me 'The Striker'."
"I don't know any forwards with beards," he said. "Must be another reason ..."
"There is," I explained. "Apparently I'm very sharp around the box."Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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I decided to splash out for my wife's birthday this year.
I went shopping in Poundland instead of the 99p shop.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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