Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

I was watching the TV when I shouted through to my wife in the kitchen "A cup of tea would be nice love"

She replied "Why don't you stick a broom handle up my arse?"

It's wee surprises like that are the key to a long and happy marriage.

[vetran]

What's the difference between a wife and a crossword?

You can normally work out what you have done wrong with a crossword.

[vetran]

I made a comment about a really fat girl in the pub. She overheard, and started squaring up to me.

I had to go and stand in a corner, where I was out of her reach.


think about it.....

[vetran]

Just saw a couple of druggies doing a '69' in the park.

He was on crack and she was on blow.

[vetran]

As I found myself getting bummed senseless by a huge Black man down the underpass.

I realised that this wasn't the "footlong from my local subway" that I wanted.

[vetran]

I'll have to buy a new washing machine.

The one I have now has been shrinking my wife's clothes for years.

[vetran]

"I can't believe it," she cried. "In the pub, you promised me a whole night of sweaty sex with your twelve inch cock and the greatest orgasms I had ever had. Instead you whip out that maggot and cum on my handbag as soon as I take my top off."

"I'm sorry, I didn't think I was going to have to deliver," replied Nick Clegg.

[vetran]

I could hear my Blonde wife squealing. "Dave, Dave, come quick! There's this green thing running round the house."

"That'll be the hedge, love," I called back.

[vetran]

DAILY MIRROR- Edinburgh Zoo's female giant panda Tian Tian may be pregnant

DAILY MAIL- Chinese immigrant scroungers to have baby.

[vetran]

I think my wife is a part time Muslim...


Once a month she is offended by everything!