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Please put more jokes here

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    After performing an ultrasound scan, the doctor tells the expecting mother:

    "I have some good news, and I have some bad news."

    "The good news is that your child will never have a problem finding a parking spot."
    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

    Comment


      and one for Zeity :

      Apparently they're building a new 'Super Prison' in North Wales.

      It's where all the baaad people will go.
      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

      Comment


        As Headmaster of a Catholic primary school, the first thing I have to do in the morning is read the register.

        In case any of my teachers have been put on it overnight.
        Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

        Comment


          After my accident, I woke up in hospital with a sexy nurse standing over me.

          She said, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."

          "Fair enough," I replied, groping her breasts.
          Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

          Comment


            After last night's game between England and Scotland, 10,000 beer cans were left in Trafalgar Square by Scottish football fans.

            Both of them have been arrested.
            Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

            Comment


              How do you get a gypsy to take a bath?

              Leave it in your front garden
              Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

              Comment


                I don't envy the person who will have the job of Courtroom Artist at Rolf Harris' trial. Talk about pressure.
                Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                Comment


                  I like to brag to people how my son handles financial transactions for a multi-billion pound corporation.

                  It's easier than explaining I raised a muppet who cashiers at McDonald's.
                  Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                  Comment


                    There's a film about Supergirl going to be made. The advertising strapline for it will go

                    "Is it a bird?"

                    "Yep"
                    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                    Comment


                      Women have absolutely no idea how to chat up us guys.

                      As if "**** off you loser" was going to get me into bed.
                      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                      Comment

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