Please put more jokes here

[SallyAnne]

Difference between apples and puke?
You cant gargle apples.

Difference between Roast beef and Pea soup.
You can roast beef.

Well thats 10 seconds of my life I'm never getting back

[ChimpMaster]

Difference between Roast beef and Pea soup.
You can roast beef.

And you can't pea beef ....

[ChimpMaster]

Well thats 10 seconds of my life I'm never getting back

Is that what you say to your bf everytime?

[daviejones]

Is that what you say to your bf everytime?

He must be good if he does it twice...

[SallyAnne]

Is that what you say to your bf everytime?

Well we're not married yet, so obviously I woudn't know

[ChimpMaster]

BEWARE -

I walked into B&Q at lunchtime and some old guy dressed in orange, asked me if I wanted decking. Fortunately I got the first punch in and that was the end of that.

Those less suspecting might not be so lucky.

[wobbegong]

BEWARE -

I walked into B&Q at lunchtime and some old guy dressed in orange, asked me if I wanted decking. Fortunately I got the first punch in and that was the end of that.

Those less suspecting might not be so lucky.

Olden but nevertheless golden!

[KathyWoolfe]

BEWARE -

I walked into B&Q at lunchtime and some old guy dressed in orange, asked me if I wanted decking. Fortunately I got the first punch in and that was the end of that.

Those less suspecting might not be so lucky.

This caught me unawares and brightened my day immeasurably, thank you TazMaN

[DaveB]

How do you turn a duck into a jazz muscician?


Put it in the microwave untill it's bill withers...

[Goldenboy]

A woman is given a hospital tour. She looks in a room, sees a man pulling himself off. "Thats awful" she says to a doctor. He explains that the man has a incurable condition. His testacles fill with seman so fast he has to do it 5 times a day or he will be in awful pain. "Poor man" says the woman.
In the next room a nurse is sucking the man off. "Explain that" she says to the doctor. The doctor says "Same condition, but he's with BUPA"