So I went to the doctor. He said 'you've got a very serious illness'. I said 'I want a second opinion'. He said 'all right, you're ugly as well'.
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what do you call a pig that does karate ?
a pork chop !Comment
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Now did you know if a stick insect laid it's eggs in a jar of Bovril it will give birth to a litter of twiglets.Comment
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Why do women wear makeup and perfume?
Because they're ugly and they smell.Science isn't about why, it's about why not. You ask: why is so much of our science dangerous? I say: why not marry safe science if you love it so much. In fact, why not invent a special safety door that won't hit you in the butt on the way out, because you are fired. - Cave JohnsonComment
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What do accounts do when their constipated?
Work it out with a pencil!Comment
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I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver."Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience". Mark TwainComment
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One for the Muslims!
"Cos it's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in."Comment
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My wife was looking in the mirror the other day and said, “I’m getting old, fat and ugly, give me a compliment”
I said, “there’s nothing wrong with your eyesight”
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So I was reading this book the other day, “The History of Glue”. I couldn’t put it down."My God, it's huge!!"
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I asked my dying mum whether she wanted to be buried or cremated.
She replied, "Surprise Me !"
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Doctor, it hurts when I touch my knee, shoulder and head.
You have a broken finger, replied the doctorComment
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