Reply to: I was driving up the motorway...

[ZZZZ Snoozer]

A doctor is examining a girl, he asks her for "big breaths"

She replies "yeth, that'th what they thay"

[threaded]

Do you know why people from Arhus take so long to clean their cellar windows?

Because it takes a long time to bury the ladders.

[threaded]

Do you know why people from Arhus go around with their hands in their pockets?

Because they don't want people to see their fingers aren't the same length.

[threaded]

Do you know why people from Arhus like to stand before they sleep?

Because they've heard it is good to fall asleep.

[ZZZZ Snoozer]

Teacher asks the class what their dad does. After the usual replies (tax inspector, Contractor etc) little Jonny says "my dad's dead miss"

Teacher "well what did he do before he died"

Jonny "he turned blue and shat himself"

[The Lone Gunman]

Little boy lost in supermarket.

Security guard "what's your mum like"
kid "big cocks and vodka, why?"

[The Lone Gunman]

Two parrots on a perch

"Can you smell fish?"

[The Lone Gunman]

Two goldfish in a tank

"how do you drive this bloody thing?"

[The Lone Gunman]

How can you tell an Essex girl has been using the word processor?

Tip-ex on the screen.

[The Lone Gunman]

How can you tell an Essex girl has had an orgasm?

She drops her Kebab.

[The Lone Gunman]

Bloke goes into a garage

"keeps mis-firing"
mechanic "tulip in the carbureter"
him "how often should I do that then?"

[The Lone Gunman]

Bloke goes into a garage.

"Car wont start"
mechanic says "flat battery"
he says "what shape should it be?"

[The Lone Gunman]

Bloke walks into a bar.

"ouch"
It was an iron bar.

[Swiss Tony]

What has 4 legs and one arm?

A Doberman in a playground

[ZZZZ Snoozer]

Monica Lewinsky goes to the dry cleaners, where she says "Can you please clean this dress"

The woman in the shop is slightly deaf, so she replies with "Come Again"

Monica says in return "No, this time it's mayonnaise"