How many woman have you had sex with?

[Lucifer Box]

Two cannibals eating a clown. The one turns to the other and says, "does this taste funny to you?"

[Lucifer Box]

Man wakes up on an empty beach. He looks around and realises that he is all along on a desert island. The funny thing is, the sky is purple, the sand is purple, the palm trees are purple.

Then all of a sudden it hits him, he's been marooned.

[SallyAnne]

2 donkeys in a boat.

One goes "eee oor"

the other goes "no yee ******* oar, I'm knackered!"


(Probably only works with a geordie accent)

[Ardesco]

Instant Irish lesson, repeat the following words in quick succession:

Whale
Oil
Beef
Hooked

[DaveB]

Instant Jamacan lesson - how to order breakfast.

Beer
Can.

[BillHicksRIP]

Q) How many Vietnam vets does it take to change a lightbulb?
A) You wouldn't know. You weren't there, man.

[DaveB]

I used to be a sadistic bestial necrophilliac but I was just flogging a dead horse.

[Lucifer Box]

It's the way I tell 'em

Two men were walking through the desert. They were nearly out of water when they saw three tents in the distance. The hurried over to see if they could get some water.

In the first tent they were told, "I'm sorry we only have these delicious puddings made from jelly and sponge and with a cream topping sprinkled with hundreds and thousands."

In the second tent, again, "I'm sorry I only have these bowls of pudding, made from jelly and sponge."

They went into the third tent and again asked for water only to be told, "all I have to sell is this large bowl of jelly topped with custard and cream and sprinkled with hundreds and thousands, with a little cocktail cherry in the middle at the top - there. I cannot help you..."

Dejected and resigned to their grim fate, the two men left the desert market and walked off into the setting sun. As they did so, one turned to the other, and said, "That was really odd - a big market in the middle of nowhere, and all they sold was bowls of jelly with custard, cream and hundreds and thousands."

The other turned to face his companion and replied, "Yes, it was a trifle bazaar..."

[SallyAnne]

Two men were walking through the desert. They were nearly out of water when they saw three tents in the distance. The hurried over to see if they could get some water.

In the first tent they were told, "I'm sorry we only have these delicious puddings made from jelly and sponge and with a cream topping sprinkled with hundreds and thousands."

In the second tent, again, "I'm sorry I only have these bowls of pudding, made from jelly and sponge."

They went into the third tent and again asked for water only to be told, "all I have to sell is this large bowl of jelly topped with custard and cream and sprinkled with hundreds and thousands, with a little cocktail cherry in the middle at the top - there. I cannot help you..."

Dejected and resigned to their grim fate, the two men left the desert market and walked off into the setting sun. As they did so, one turned to the other, and said, "That was really odd - a big market in the middle of nowhere, and all they sold was bowls of jelly with custard, cream and hundreds and thousands."

The other turned to face his companion and replied, "Yes, it was a trifle bazaar..."

Oh dear

[Lucifer Box]

Oh dear

I love a good groaner, me. I'm a sucker for them.